Friday
Today (Friday) was a nice but exhausting day. Ulysse, Omar and I went to visit family friends. Hisham, Julia and Emad (Doudi their son).
We were supposed to go early for the kids to enjoy the sun, but as usual I was late for many reasons. I had really missed their company since they were in Romania for some months and when they came back I was out of town, then dad's health crisis.
Hisham is an old and dear friend of mine. I was introduced to his wife, Julia, the summer before last. However we did not really mingle except during this last summer. Julia is Romanian. She is a great person. She is so kind hearted and sweet.
Omar and Doudi had their moments, some fight free, and some too loving and warm! Doudi kept hugging Omar, but his hug is somewhat different than the normal hug! He actually hugs wrapping both arms around the neck and squeezes tight! Hehe… Kids!
Omar and Doudi have a 4 months difference between them, Doudi being older, born August 25th. His birthday was celebrated in Romania with his mother's parents, family and friends… Omar still to celebrate insha'Allah on January 1st. He will turn three.
We managed to make it at their place at around 3 p.m so there was still some sun light and warmth around. We had a nice day and later on Hisham's parents, sister and her husband joined. It was an enjoyable gathering. They're all such a lovely family. Only I had started getting edgy around five thirty p.m. I was thinking of Sam almost all the time. At the same time, I really wanted to enjoy my time and to relax. I told Julia we would leave maximum by 7 p.m. Each time I told Omar lets get ready to leave he would run away from me. I cannot blame him, he was having a good time, running around in the garden, then going in and playing indoors then back out again and so forth. Even though he and Doudi quarreled a bit every now and then, but it still seemed enjoyable for him.
I really feel comfortable around this family. Julia, like me, is easy going and simple. Hisham has a nice nature of being friendly and hospitable. Doudi is adorable!
Julia and I didn't get to sit down much. We had to chase the kids around and sometimes we had to run to unwrap their arms from around one another as they argued and got physical about something, what is funny a little while after a fight they would be hugging or kissing one another or something… But all in all it was still nice. Julia and I both keep wishing those two rug rats would grow up a bit, to enable us to be a bit free from chasing them around all the time and giving them the excess attention they need at this age. Pheww.. boy was I really tired. And what made me more alarmed all the time was the swimming pool. I had to be extra cautious for Omar not to fall in.. He sometimes walks or even runs not really paying attention to where he is going! It drives me out of my wits when he does that1
We did not want to leave, and both Julia and Hisham were asking us to stay longer, but I explained what our plan was, going to dad and all.
I was unable to stop thinking of dad. I thought I could relax, but actually the kid chases did not help much (not that I'm complaining it is my duty). Julia asked me a couple of times what the matter was, I hope she did not think any thing was wrong where she is concerned, but I explained to her anyway.
I do wish I could have been more relaxed but I could not help it.
I pray I live long enough to see Omar and Emad walking together as young decent men. This family is one I wish I can grow old having in my life.
I dropped Omar at mom's place then went to dad. We arrived at his place at almost 9:20 p.m.
He was expecting Omar, but I knew I would not be able to sit with dad for a minute without having to attend to Omar and that was the main reason I asked mom if I could drop him to her place. I told Dad I would bring Omar some other time and he was fine, but he looked some what tired.
I asked him if he would say some words, but I think he did not want to in front of Mohammed my cousin and Ulysse, which is understandable. He gets embarrassed, so Ulysse and Mohammed gladly and understandingly said they would go upstairs to the balcony. I then asked dad if he would like to do some writing practice and speech practice with me, and he gladly agreed.
I got the notebook, and started with him. But before that I asked him to say my name and he did. Today I was feeling so weak inside. It is so difficult for me to work with dad and to hear him try so hard to bring a word or name out. Astaghfiru Allah (I seek forgiveness from Allah).
He said my name, I almost cried but held my tears back and kept my very artificial brave face and tone of voice, but knelt and kissed him and hugged him warmly. We started, but today I worked on his memory and on numbers and dates. It was not all right, but considerably well al hamd Lillah.
I touched his hand by accident and found them very cold. I felt he was exerting a massive effort so I told him we would stop for now and resume later. I told him I would go upstairs. On the way, my eyes were filling with tears, so I rushed up faster and headed to the balcony when my hubby and cousin were at.
They spoke to me as I lit a cigarette but I could not speak. My voice was trapped. They got alarmed but I managed to tell them not to worry. Then a tear amongst the many restrained one came down as I was barely able to speak. I held the rest back, but I did tremble inside.
I felt so bad for Sam but very grateful to Allah at the same time...I know it could have been worse, but I'm human, I get weak and emotional.
I told them his hands were very cold from the effort he was exerting and the tension I guess. Dad does his practice happily with me, but I know it is not easy for him. He is determined to do well, I can see it in his eyes, and at the same time I see the sadness, but there is faith behind all that, and I thank God for that.
Tonight my step mother brought up the subject of taking an appointment. Dad was less resistant but still not happy hearing the matter. I do pray he does not refuse seeing the doctor.
I finished my talk with hubby and Mohammed and asked them to come down after a while so we can all sit with dad and taunt Sonia for a while then leave since it was getting late.
I went down and dad was heading to his bedroom. I asked him to say where he was going and he faintly said to the bathroom. I told him ok and that I was glad to hear from him were he was heading. I was happy yet tonight I was really weak inside for some reason. I tried hard not to show it to Sam nor taunt Sonya. They both need all the support possible. Taunt Sonya is doing every thing she can.
I pray God blesses her, gives her the strength and protects her health too. I do love that woman, she loves dad a lot and she loves my sisters and I as well. I know that for sure. I tend to always evaluate people from their good sides, which she posses a lot of, regardless of other things.
I held her tight and told her I loved her. Then dad walked out and I asked him for a group hug... A little while later he wanted to go to sleep so I went in with him to do some duaa's and to do the rakwa (some prayers advised by Prophet Muhammed). He knew what I was going to do, so he pulled my hand and placed it over his forehead, as if looking forward to it. Again a confirmation it brings comfort to him. There was something sweet my aunt had made called goulash.. It was on the dressing table and he was supposed to have a piece but was in bed tucked in. After I finished the duaa I went out to do something intending to walk in to hand him a piece, when I walked back in, I was asking: do u want goulash? He was giggling, and I realized he had helped himself to a piece already. The message I got from his eyes and laughter was "do u think I would have waited? I already helped myself to it!"
It was a nice closure to the evening with dad. I left him laughing, I pray always insha'Allah. I felt happy he was happy.
On my side, I left with a mixture of feelings of pain and sadness but also happiness for him as well. The pain I feel, does not go away, to the extent I sometimes feel physically weak! It is difficult seeing someone u love so dearly going through a hard time.
My prayers go to all other people suffering any sort of pain. I pray God helps us all to get through this.
We were supposed to go early for the kids to enjoy the sun, but as usual I was late for many reasons. I had really missed their company since they were in Romania for some months and when they came back I was out of town, then dad's health crisis.
Hisham is an old and dear friend of mine. I was introduced to his wife, Julia, the summer before last. However we did not really mingle except during this last summer. Julia is Romanian. She is a great person. She is so kind hearted and sweet.
Omar and Doudi had their moments, some fight free, and some too loving and warm! Doudi kept hugging Omar, but his hug is somewhat different than the normal hug! He actually hugs wrapping both arms around the neck and squeezes tight! Hehe… Kids!
Omar and Doudi have a 4 months difference between them, Doudi being older, born August 25th. His birthday was celebrated in Romania with his mother's parents, family and friends… Omar still to celebrate insha'Allah on January 1st. He will turn three.
We managed to make it at their place at around 3 p.m so there was still some sun light and warmth around. We had a nice day and later on Hisham's parents, sister and her husband joined. It was an enjoyable gathering. They're all such a lovely family. Only I had started getting edgy around five thirty p.m. I was thinking of Sam almost all the time. At the same time, I really wanted to enjoy my time and to relax. I told Julia we would leave maximum by 7 p.m. Each time I told Omar lets get ready to leave he would run away from me. I cannot blame him, he was having a good time, running around in the garden, then going in and playing indoors then back out again and so forth. Even though he and Doudi quarreled a bit every now and then, but it still seemed enjoyable for him.
I really feel comfortable around this family. Julia, like me, is easy going and simple. Hisham has a nice nature of being friendly and hospitable. Doudi is adorable!
Julia and I didn't get to sit down much. We had to chase the kids around and sometimes we had to run to unwrap their arms from around one another as they argued and got physical about something, what is funny a little while after a fight they would be hugging or kissing one another or something… But all in all it was still nice. Julia and I both keep wishing those two rug rats would grow up a bit, to enable us to be a bit free from chasing them around all the time and giving them the excess attention they need at this age. Pheww.. boy was I really tired. And what made me more alarmed all the time was the swimming pool. I had to be extra cautious for Omar not to fall in.. He sometimes walks or even runs not really paying attention to where he is going! It drives me out of my wits when he does that1
We did not want to leave, and both Julia and Hisham were asking us to stay longer, but I explained what our plan was, going to dad and all.
I was unable to stop thinking of dad. I thought I could relax, but actually the kid chases did not help much (not that I'm complaining it is my duty). Julia asked me a couple of times what the matter was, I hope she did not think any thing was wrong where she is concerned, but I explained to her anyway.
I do wish I could have been more relaxed but I could not help it.
I pray I live long enough to see Omar and Emad walking together as young decent men. This family is one I wish I can grow old having in my life.
I dropped Omar at mom's place then went to dad. We arrived at his place at almost 9:20 p.m.
He was expecting Omar, but I knew I would not be able to sit with dad for a minute without having to attend to Omar and that was the main reason I asked mom if I could drop him to her place. I told Dad I would bring Omar some other time and he was fine, but he looked some what tired.
I asked him if he would say some words, but I think he did not want to in front of Mohammed my cousin and Ulysse, which is understandable. He gets embarrassed, so Ulysse and Mohammed gladly and understandingly said they would go upstairs to the balcony. I then asked dad if he would like to do some writing practice and speech practice with me, and he gladly agreed.
I got the notebook, and started with him. But before that I asked him to say my name and he did. Today I was feeling so weak inside. It is so difficult for me to work with dad and to hear him try so hard to bring a word or name out. Astaghfiru Allah (I seek forgiveness from Allah).
He said my name, I almost cried but held my tears back and kept my very artificial brave face and tone of voice, but knelt and kissed him and hugged him warmly. We started, but today I worked on his memory and on numbers and dates. It was not all right, but considerably well al hamd Lillah.
I touched his hand by accident and found them very cold. I felt he was exerting a massive effort so I told him we would stop for now and resume later. I told him I would go upstairs. On the way, my eyes were filling with tears, so I rushed up faster and headed to the balcony when my hubby and cousin were at.
They spoke to me as I lit a cigarette but I could not speak. My voice was trapped. They got alarmed but I managed to tell them not to worry. Then a tear amongst the many restrained one came down as I was barely able to speak. I held the rest back, but I did tremble inside.
I felt so bad for Sam but very grateful to Allah at the same time...I know it could have been worse, but I'm human, I get weak and emotional.
I told them his hands were very cold from the effort he was exerting and the tension I guess. Dad does his practice happily with me, but I know it is not easy for him. He is determined to do well, I can see it in his eyes, and at the same time I see the sadness, but there is faith behind all that, and I thank God for that.
Tonight my step mother brought up the subject of taking an appointment. Dad was less resistant but still not happy hearing the matter. I do pray he does not refuse seeing the doctor.
I finished my talk with hubby and Mohammed and asked them to come down after a while so we can all sit with dad and taunt Sonia for a while then leave since it was getting late.
I went down and dad was heading to his bedroom. I asked him to say where he was going and he faintly said to the bathroom. I told him ok and that I was glad to hear from him were he was heading. I was happy yet tonight I was really weak inside for some reason. I tried hard not to show it to Sam nor taunt Sonya. They both need all the support possible. Taunt Sonya is doing every thing she can.
I pray God blesses her, gives her the strength and protects her health too. I do love that woman, she loves dad a lot and she loves my sisters and I as well. I know that for sure. I tend to always evaluate people from their good sides, which she posses a lot of, regardless of other things.
I held her tight and told her I loved her. Then dad walked out and I asked him for a group hug... A little while later he wanted to go to sleep so I went in with him to do some duaa's and to do the rakwa (some prayers advised by Prophet Muhammed). He knew what I was going to do, so he pulled my hand and placed it over his forehead, as if looking forward to it. Again a confirmation it brings comfort to him. There was something sweet my aunt had made called goulash.. It was on the dressing table and he was supposed to have a piece but was in bed tucked in. After I finished the duaa I went out to do something intending to walk in to hand him a piece, when I walked back in, I was asking: do u want goulash? He was giggling, and I realized he had helped himself to a piece already. The message I got from his eyes and laughter was "do u think I would have waited? I already helped myself to it!"
It was a nice closure to the evening with dad. I left him laughing, I pray always insha'Allah. I felt happy he was happy.
On my side, I left with a mixture of feelings of pain and sadness but also happiness for him as well. The pain I feel, does not go away, to the extent I sometimes feel physically weak! It is difficult seeing someone u love so dearly going through a hard time.
My prayers go to all other people suffering any sort of pain. I pray God helps us all to get through this.
posted by Dalulla at 2:38 AM
6 Comments:
Dalulla,
First I must say that I am proud to have chosen correctly in your photo below.
Second I think you are being quite brave and strong during this very difficult and trying time. Some days will be harder than others and somehow you will find more strength within yourself. I am sorry that you were not able to enjoy your visit with friends more, though.
I am so pleased to hear that your father is able to speak a little and do more therapy. That is a very positive sign for his recovery. At this point my father still could not write, speak, or even feed himself. I know how sad it is to see a once strong and independant man look so weak and vulnerable...dear Dalulla, it will get better. His spirit sounds strong and it will carry him through this hardship.
My best to you and your family. You are not alone.
dalulla, thank you very much for stopping by and for your words. i will never forget them.
i do know what you said about the scars. i have many and do you know what? i love them.
hope your father continues getting better and better each day!
i lost mine when i was 14, almost 26 years ago, and i'm still his little girl...
Jane,
You cannot imagine how much support you are giving me. You bring warmth to my heart as if i know u in person. I sometimes feel i wish you were around, I know you would have been with me as much as you could during this period. God bless you. Your family and friends are lucky to have you in their lives. U have become an important part of my life too. I know that some days are hard and others harder, but thank God that he is progressing. That is why i keep saying thank God, i know it could have been worse. I am so sorry i brought your dad's issue so directly into your mind. I am sure you are aware and are living with it, but you are helping me even though you are in a more difficult situation and I pray you be blessed for that. Some people when in bad situations are unable to help. Or simply feel or say, What is the matter with this person, she should come and see how serious other people's problems are! What is she whinning about?
But you did not do that. You have been and are a great support. Thank you.
The therapy sessions are still very few, we do not have someone regular, but my sisters, step mom and i are doing a similar job, and thank God Dad is responding and progressing bit by bit. I just could not get a grip on myself last time, but thank God i was able to take it far from him. I really felt so weak and shaken this last time, i hope it does not happen to me often.
Having you and all the others makes me feel i have so much support. Thank you thank you thank you!
Living away,
Believe me, they are all from the heart. We must all support one another when and if we can. I'm glad those scars are not holding you back. They are memories, maybe harsh, but we learn from them. Believe me every thing, even the worst of things happen for a reason, but we must try to analyse them and make the best out of them. Having people to support us becomes a necessity at some point though. If no good people around, then we must keep our faith in GOD. He is compassionate and kind and if we reach to Him He will reach to us and give us much more support than we imagine. We must just keep pur faith strong, in God, in good friends and in ourselves as best as we can. That is what has gotten me through.. And bloggers are great friends and sources of support.
Thanks for your warm well wishes for Sam Leandra. I assure you, you may have lost your father physically, but you are a lucky person to have a good memory of him and a heart filled with love for him and more over the feeling you will always be his little girl!
Take care my dear Leandra, and know that you have friends out here.
Dallulah, I have read both comments, the long one, too, referring to your Dad.
My Dad is 70 years old. He also had a brain stroke some months ago.
He could not look for a moment with his eyes nor could he speak for a moment.
My parents wanted to fly to Israel but my mother quickly called the hospital car and they brought him to hospital.
They were so lucky that all that happened BEFORE their trip.
I told my mother that you are blogging here and my mother told me to greet you: Are you Egyptian or are you only living their?
My mother, her name is "Ingrid",
told me a verse for you of the bible where Egypt and Israel will be in friendship during the last days before the judgement day:
Jesaja 19,24-25 "At that time Israel will be in friendship with Egypt and Assyre and these three lands will be a blessing in the midst of the whole earth...
...and God will tell: Blessed are you, Egypt, my people and Assyre, work of my hands and ye Israel, my inheritance."
Dad came into hospital and he was medicated there for some weeks.
I am living 80 km away from my parents but I lived with them for a while to visit my Dad.
He always was a great example for me. He is so correct and friendly.
Oh, I can imagine, Dallulah, if my Dad would not have spoken for a longer time, like your Dad or would have had such problems which you describe in your two articles... I surely would have troubled very much...
In addition to this you have to communicate with your step mom which also would be more difficult for me.
I appreciate that you said that she is nice but only has some difficult sites LIKE everyone!
Very well said of you!
I admire your strenght and your trust. I pray for you to Jesus and I hope that everything will go well with your Dad and that he still will be for a longer while in your midst, loving you and receiving your love and that he will be clear in mind and again joyful and that in addition to that he will take that time that he still has left to prepare himself for eternity to be ready and that God may prepare you all and especially you, who are loving him so that the last period/s of his life will be peaceful and calm for him and for you all and that you may be together in unity and in joy.
Jesus may bless you and your Dad if you want to...
Yours,
Heidi
Heidi dear,
Please give your lovely Mother, Ingrid my warmest and thank her for me.
I pray that Israelis become friends with every one, I have nothing against friendship Idi, on the contrary, I and all Moslems are praying for it... We are all hungry for peace, for all people. I pray people live and let others live, bloodshed and hatred bring people to the graves, but in pain and misery, rather than dying in peace.
I am Egyptian, with a dual nationality, Egyptian/British (by birth). But we have far Turkish lines in the ancestors. Great Grand mother was turkish. But i feel totally Egyptian for that matter.
My step mother is a lovely woman as i mentioned, but she does not work well under pressure and i cannot totally blame her. She is the one living with dad and she loves him so much. And maybe because she does not have children her feeling are totally directed to him. She does love me and my sisters, but maybe i am the closest to her, since i mingle more. In Islam we are told to give people excuses, to be as understanding and tolerant as we can. That is what i am continuosly doing or trying to do. So far so good actually. I am always trying to contain her and every one else as much as i can, and at the same time making points but in a caring and decent way as much as i can. When i feel angry at something, I choose silence and self restraint. When people speak in anger the losses are great. Prophet Muhammed advised us not to ever speak or act in anger, rather to be rational and think then speak or act. He taught us well. also in the Quraan we are advised to be forgiving, God has taught the Prophet well and they both taught us in turn well, only when we implment what they advised us of and understand it whole heartedly and with conviction.
Idi, Thank you very much for your warm wishes and prayers. I appreciate it.
The prayers have helped dad greatly so far, and he is progressing slowly but well. His mood is much better and he is begining to say some names words... a bit not clear sometimes or not correct and has to repeat, but Thank God, He is progressing. THe healing power of God works with Faith and Thank God for the faith we all have including Dad ofcourse. We believe strongly in the compassion of God. Whatever He grants is worth thanking for, even that which we do not feel is good, by time proves to have had good behind it. It requires both patience and faith, and Thanks to God the more we pray the more blessings we recieve..
Idi,
Please do not get the impression i am being offensive, but according to what Authentic Jews beliefs which are in alignment with those of the Moslems, Israel is not a religiously accepted country by God. Please check this out : http://www.nkusa.org/
I still meant what i said about praying for peace and wanting it with and for all people. If someone reaches out to shake my hands, but with no blood on it, I will gladly and definitely reach out and shake hands.
However, I simply cannot and will not place my hand in a hand emersed in Blood. Can you?
I'm sorry Heidi but i cannot, nor can the Authentic Jews either and I do rever them for their honesty and efforts to stay clean and respected Jews, rather than Zionists. I do respect them wanting to live in peace and for the whole world to differntiate between Jews and Zionists. Idi they are totally different.
P.S. I really do not want to get into this discussion here, in connection to this post, we can take it to the post i had earlier connected to Neutra Karta International, if u wish.
Or to the post i will publish soon regarding something connected to the Neutri Karta's activities.
God Bless your warm heart Idi.
Again, I am emphasising i do not mean to be offensive in any sense.
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