Update on my Sam
Al hamd Lillah (Thank God for every thing), here goes.
First of all I want to thank all of you out there for all your prayers. They have all served us well. This situation I am going through has really proven that there is so much good out there (not that I ever doubted that). That has always been my belief. All of you have lovely hearts and souls.
Believe it or not, you have all been with me throughout this period. I felt comfortable knowing that all of you are praying for Sam and for me and my family.
There was one day when I felt real weary, so I had a blood pressure check up at the hospital, it was 100/50! The nurse was staring at me funny before she told me of the blood pressure level, and I was smiling at her. She asked if I was feeling ok, with a smile, I said a bit weary but fine. She said she did not know how I was still managing to stay on my feet. I thought to myself, I guess it is the blessing and power of God and your prayers that were helping. I smiled again at her, thanked her and walked out.
Dad was having a terrible time at the ICU. He had this tube connected to his bladder so he would not have to keep walking to the bathroom much, a catheter, I was told, In Arabic referred to as Astara.
Any way, I had that when I delivered Omar and it was very annoying. One morning, my step mother walked in the intensive care and freaked out. Dad was covered in blood! What was annoying is that no one had noticed (negligence!).
My step mom was freaking out of course (she freaks out from anything anyway, it’s her nature, imagine the bleeding situation!). Dad had pulled the catheter tube out (so the nurses claimed) and of course injured himself. That was something neither he nor us needed at this time at all. The catheter was to be removed, but that gave the doctors no choice but to keep it connected till the bleeding would stop, and dad was furious of course. All he wanted was OUT OUT OUT! Not just out of the ICU but out of the entire hospital which was out of the question at that stage.
I still do not understand what exactly happened but Sam was continuously furious with the nurses in the ICU for some reason. Maybe his inability to communicate and probably the negligence he was experiencing. For him to know and us to wonder! God Knows. That was also frustrating us too since we did not want him to be irritable, which was his case most of the time while in the ICU.
Earlier he had a high temperature and my step mom was the one who measured the temperature. It was not even recorded in his chart!
I politely gave them a piece of my mind! The negligence was always keeping us checking on him all the time. I was practically going back and forth almost all the time, so were dad’s sisters and his wife. Despite all these negative aspects, there was something good; his irritability showed his sense of awareness was good, which was a positive sign.
There was one thing I continuously did and I realized it comforted him and made him sleep. There are some prayers that have been encouraged for pain relief and for healing by Prophet Muhammad (Allahoma Saly 3aleih).
I kept using them a lot for him. One of them should be said while placing the right hand over the inflicted area. It worked with my grandmother miraculously and with me as well. The trick is to really believe that the healing power is solely from Allah. That I did and still do each time I see him.
He always tilted his head towards me, which indicated and confirmed my belief that it comforted him. He usually fell asleep or calmed down while I was at it.
Sam is the type that hates doctors and hospitals a lot. That I’m sure we all hate, but for him it is a great deal. He is just excessively negative where doctor visits are concerned in general and that is not good.
Before Sam had the Infarction, he had given my husband two photos he was very fond of and was excited to find. One of them was of him and his parents, brother (who passed away at age 42 or 43), and his two sisters. The other, of his parents alone. He wanted Ulysse to enlarge them for him. Ulysse had enlarged them and they were at my place.
I thought if I took them over they might cheer him up. So I took them with me and went to the hospital. I went and he had just been released from the ICU to a room in the hospital. When I arrived he was on his way from the ICU to his room. Boy was he relieved! He had a big smile on his face. When he went into the room, the photos were in a plastic file on top of a bouquet of flowers.
I cannot describe the happiness on his face. I never thought that they would make him this happy, so I told him I will go put them in frames and place them next to him. He did not want to let go of them, but I told him again. So he did. When I was back with the pictures in the frames he was so happy. He kept staring at them for a long time, then looked at us and smiled gladly. My aunts also said they made them very happy. I was so glad I came up with something to make dad and his sisters and wife also happy.
Dad’s doctor came by and gave him a check up and said he was doing ok. But he said he would need a speech therapist to work with him on a frequent basis. As he left he told dad he wanted him to stay till Thursday (Nov.17th, he had been in the hospital since Tuesday November 10th). That I felt was essential, but dad of course no.
Dad became very upset, he would not react with any of us, nor would he take his medications, NOTHING. Nothing but an extremely upset, disappointed and frustrated face. He went on strike. He was also supposed to have an echo (heart check up) because his wife mentioned that as he walked to the bathroom and back he had a chest pain.
He got upset she had brought that up. He did not want anything to be brought up that might end up making him staying any longer at the hospital. But what can we do? We had to tell the doctors of anything odd we noticed, it is for his own good, but to him no.
Well, my Leo dad, stayed on strike all evening, would not eat, drink or let a nurse or doctor come near him. But in the morning they managed to do the echo on his heart and thank God it was fine. In all cases he insisted to leave and that he got. His neurologist came by in the morning and my step mom told him of the strike and that she does not want to make him stay any longer, so he had no choice but to sign the release papers.
He was so happy to leave. Dad is home now. But no speech yet and no writing. He is aware of many things, but there is something still missing. He is depressed he cannot communicate and is not going to work. I feel bad for him, but Al hamd Lillah, it could’ve been worse!
One thing my dad never leaves out or left out throughout his entire life are his daily prayers, which does indicate there is something missing out from his sense of awareness. He used to go out during snow blizzards in London for the Friday prayers when he was living in England. What I mean is, nothing stopped him from praying before, and this last Ramadan he would insist on standing up during the Tarawee7 prayers (extra prayers performed after the Evening prayers only in Ramadan in the mosque).
My step mom brought it up once, and left his room, came back and found him praying the noon prayer. We all rejoiced. God knows if he remembered the Verses and performed it correctly or not. But it was something good. Second day, no prayers at all. He did not want to leave his room at all which was the case since he left the hospital.
One thing that does bother me is my step mother’s over protection plus the excessive panic she is always at that leads her to succumb to his will even if it is not in his favor.
I had a long talk with his neurologist and he said we need to hire a speech therapist as soon as he leaves... Nell … We need to encourage him to write… Nell. We need to let him practice his daily life in a normal fashion… Nell.
The other day Sam got up and got a jar of water to water the plants and his wife told him not to, because she feared he would get dizzy!!?? I do know for fact he did not like that. Over protection will not help him. It will only make him feel crippled! The right thing I believe was to let him do it while standing by his side just incase he got dizzy, but not to tell him not to do it.
In the evening when me and my sister passed by he was really down, also had a strange frown on his face, not smiling nor reacting with us as he used to. I felt really down. I asked him if he was upset cause we are not by his side as often as we used to at the hospital, and I continued telling him that we want to be there all the time but can’t because we do not want to invade their privacy.
The fact and the matter is we cannot go there as often as we want to … long and complicated story. But as I spoke to Sam, I put it as best as I could, because I cannot tell him we were told to go at certain hours. And the other thing is, she said something that really bothered me the other day. She said, please do not get upset but I don’t want you (addressing me) to speak to the doctor much, I should do that because I’m the one responsible for Sam.
Honestly, it did bother me. I just did not comment much. I do know she is the one living with dad and that she is the one with him most of the time, but still that does not mean I cannot speak to the doctor about his case or say my opinion openly. In all cases, I tend to give her as much space as I can. Dad is all she has got. She does of course have her sisters and brothers, but she was never blessed with kids. And I try not to bother her, because she is a kind woman, with negative sides just like anyone, but she should have not said that to me. I’m his daughter (eldest) and I do have the right to speak to the doctor.
The other thing I do not like at all is this over protection. The doctor himself told me that it is not right at all in his case.
Today when I went, he was in a better mood. A neighbor of ours went to visit him; he is one of the sweetest people in our building. He told him he would pray with him and they did. Sam was in a good mood thank God the remainder of the day; till he was told that tomorrow he would have to go to visit the doctor.
That made him upset, why? No one has a clue. My aunt called my uncle, who is also a doctor and told him. So, he tried to explain to dad over the phone that it is a must that he goes, but of course he did not know what dad’s reaction was, but it was assumed negative.
A little while earlier, mom had fainted!! Today was quite a messy day! I am blessed with two very stubborn and negligent parents where health issues are concerned. Mom is obsessed with keeping her weight constantly lower than average, and she is always on diet! And dad hates doctors and is not good at controlling his temper and worrying.
Mom was ok later on but still a bit weary. She has been fasting for some months before Ramadan, and also now! And her diet sucks! I practically beg her sometimes to stop this odd way of living, but in vain.
And where dad is concerned, I always kept telling him not to get so upset over the slightest things and stop worrying excessively about issues, but also in vain. I know it is sometimes nature, but I believe that we can all refine our natures to some extent, especially if we are told that they may negatively affect our health. We can never change completely but refinement does work if we practice.
When I went tonight, he pointed out to his mustache, that he trimmed it and was smiling. I was happy he was doing things he is used to. I asked him to go out of the bedroom to sit outside with us. He agreed. I was so happy. He reached to the remote control of the television and shut it off. Again a good sign he is himself to a great extent. Organized. He then placed the scissors kit into the drawer where he keeps them, placed the remote control in its place and walked out with me. I was really happy he did that. Later on came one of my uncles and he was happy to see him.
Hhhhuuuh (real long sigh).
I still ask you to kindly keep praying for Sam. God knows how long he will stay like this. Please pray for him to talk soon. To smile and laugh from his heart again. Pray that his blood pressure does not cause any further complications and that he gives in a bit to the doctor visits! I really want to hear his voice again. To hear him whistling to his birds and talking to them while feeding them as he used to. I miss Sam’s voice. Al hamd Lillah.
Please pray for mom to be alright, she also has heart problems and that was my main concern this evening. She was admitted in the hospital a few years ago and last winter she had beginnings of heart angina.
Finally, please please please pray for me. I have so many things that need to be sorted out and taken care of.
Tomorrow will be a difficult day, unless if Sam does not give us all a hard time to get dressed to go to the doctor. We cannot drag him to go. I did have a talk with him tonight, and told him that he has nothing to worry about. It is not like the doctor will admit him into the hospital again (God Forbid). I told him that it is for his own good. We are all trying to tell him. I don’t know if dad is worried that maybe the doctor will admit him to the hospital again or not, but insha’Allah (God willing) that will not be the case, but I told him he has to go anyway and that it is for his own good.
Sometimes I feel that his wife’s paranoia upsets him badly. I sometimes feel she is giving us false impressions due to this paranoia. Sometimes I even doubt she understands him. It did happen on several occasions while we were at the hospital.
In all cases I pray he gives in tomorrow and goes. We all need to know what the doctor will say about his current status and what should be done during this coming period. Plus he needs to have a brain scan since he did not do it when he was leaving the hospital (again, one of the reasons that I was really upset because of my step mother’s over protection, since she will let dad do what he wants just not to upset him). I know she cares a lot for him, but sometimes we should not give in to certain things especially if they are health concerned.
I also pray she changes her cooking habits too because dad’s cholesterol level was not good at all! Again, she got defensive when I mentioned the types of food he eats. So I said what I wanted in the most diplomatic manner!
Boy am I in such a difficult situation.
I do not want to upset her or any one, but some things are really getting on my nerves!
Anyway, I’m really glad I have you people by my side. Thank you for all your warm wishes and prayers. I cannot thank all of you enough. You’ve all been a great source of support.
I’m so sorry if this was so long for u to read, but I wanted to share with you all what was happening.
Don’t forget me in your prayers! I am very exhausted mentally and physically. Al hamd Lillah anyway. There are people in worse situations.
My prayers for the people of Pakistan, Kashmir, Palestine, Iraq, New Orleans, Amman-Jordan and any other spot where anyone is going through any difficulty whatsoever Especially Pakistan during this time.
First of all I want to thank all of you out there for all your prayers. They have all served us well. This situation I am going through has really proven that there is so much good out there (not that I ever doubted that). That has always been my belief. All of you have lovely hearts and souls.
Believe it or not, you have all been with me throughout this period. I felt comfortable knowing that all of you are praying for Sam and for me and my family.
There was one day when I felt real weary, so I had a blood pressure check up at the hospital, it was 100/50! The nurse was staring at me funny before she told me of the blood pressure level, and I was smiling at her. She asked if I was feeling ok, with a smile, I said a bit weary but fine. She said she did not know how I was still managing to stay on my feet. I thought to myself, I guess it is the blessing and power of God and your prayers that were helping. I smiled again at her, thanked her and walked out.
Dad was having a terrible time at the ICU. He had this tube connected to his bladder so he would not have to keep walking to the bathroom much, a catheter, I was told, In Arabic referred to as Astara.
Any way, I had that when I delivered Omar and it was very annoying. One morning, my step mother walked in the intensive care and freaked out. Dad was covered in blood! What was annoying is that no one had noticed (negligence!).
My step mom was freaking out of course (she freaks out from anything anyway, it’s her nature, imagine the bleeding situation!). Dad had pulled the catheter tube out (so the nurses claimed) and of course injured himself. That was something neither he nor us needed at this time at all. The catheter was to be removed, but that gave the doctors no choice but to keep it connected till the bleeding would stop, and dad was furious of course. All he wanted was OUT OUT OUT! Not just out of the ICU but out of the entire hospital which was out of the question at that stage.
I still do not understand what exactly happened but Sam was continuously furious with the nurses in the ICU for some reason. Maybe his inability to communicate and probably the negligence he was experiencing. For him to know and us to wonder! God Knows. That was also frustrating us too since we did not want him to be irritable, which was his case most of the time while in the ICU.
Earlier he had a high temperature and my step mom was the one who measured the temperature. It was not even recorded in his chart!
I politely gave them a piece of my mind! The negligence was always keeping us checking on him all the time. I was practically going back and forth almost all the time, so were dad’s sisters and his wife. Despite all these negative aspects, there was something good; his irritability showed his sense of awareness was good, which was a positive sign.
There was one thing I continuously did and I realized it comforted him and made him sleep. There are some prayers that have been encouraged for pain relief and for healing by Prophet Muhammad (Allahoma Saly 3aleih).
I kept using them a lot for him. One of them should be said while placing the right hand over the inflicted area. It worked with my grandmother miraculously and with me as well. The trick is to really believe that the healing power is solely from Allah. That I did and still do each time I see him.
He always tilted his head towards me, which indicated and confirmed my belief that it comforted him. He usually fell asleep or calmed down while I was at it.
Sam is the type that hates doctors and hospitals a lot. That I’m sure we all hate, but for him it is a great deal. He is just excessively negative where doctor visits are concerned in general and that is not good.
Before Sam had the Infarction, he had given my husband two photos he was very fond of and was excited to find. One of them was of him and his parents, brother (who passed away at age 42 or 43), and his two sisters. The other, of his parents alone. He wanted Ulysse to enlarge them for him. Ulysse had enlarged them and they were at my place.
I thought if I took them over they might cheer him up. So I took them with me and went to the hospital. I went and he had just been released from the ICU to a room in the hospital. When I arrived he was on his way from the ICU to his room. Boy was he relieved! He had a big smile on his face. When he went into the room, the photos were in a plastic file on top of a bouquet of flowers.
I cannot describe the happiness on his face. I never thought that they would make him this happy, so I told him I will go put them in frames and place them next to him. He did not want to let go of them, but I told him again. So he did. When I was back with the pictures in the frames he was so happy. He kept staring at them for a long time, then looked at us and smiled gladly. My aunts also said they made them very happy. I was so glad I came up with something to make dad and his sisters and wife also happy.
Dad’s doctor came by and gave him a check up and said he was doing ok. But he said he would need a speech therapist to work with him on a frequent basis. As he left he told dad he wanted him to stay till Thursday (Nov.17th, he had been in the hospital since Tuesday November 10th). That I felt was essential, but dad of course no.
Dad became very upset, he would not react with any of us, nor would he take his medications, NOTHING. Nothing but an extremely upset, disappointed and frustrated face. He went on strike. He was also supposed to have an echo (heart check up) because his wife mentioned that as he walked to the bathroom and back he had a chest pain.
He got upset she had brought that up. He did not want anything to be brought up that might end up making him staying any longer at the hospital. But what can we do? We had to tell the doctors of anything odd we noticed, it is for his own good, but to him no.
Well, my Leo dad, stayed on strike all evening, would not eat, drink or let a nurse or doctor come near him. But in the morning they managed to do the echo on his heart and thank God it was fine. In all cases he insisted to leave and that he got. His neurologist came by in the morning and my step mom told him of the strike and that she does not want to make him stay any longer, so he had no choice but to sign the release papers.
He was so happy to leave. Dad is home now. But no speech yet and no writing. He is aware of many things, but there is something still missing. He is depressed he cannot communicate and is not going to work. I feel bad for him, but Al hamd Lillah, it could’ve been worse!
One thing my dad never leaves out or left out throughout his entire life are his daily prayers, which does indicate there is something missing out from his sense of awareness. He used to go out during snow blizzards in London for the Friday prayers when he was living in England. What I mean is, nothing stopped him from praying before, and this last Ramadan he would insist on standing up during the Tarawee7 prayers (extra prayers performed after the Evening prayers only in Ramadan in the mosque).
My step mom brought it up once, and left his room, came back and found him praying the noon prayer. We all rejoiced. God knows if he remembered the Verses and performed it correctly or not. But it was something good. Second day, no prayers at all. He did not want to leave his room at all which was the case since he left the hospital.
One thing that does bother me is my step mother’s over protection plus the excessive panic she is always at that leads her to succumb to his will even if it is not in his favor.
I had a long talk with his neurologist and he said we need to hire a speech therapist as soon as he leaves... Nell … We need to encourage him to write… Nell. We need to let him practice his daily life in a normal fashion… Nell.
The other day Sam got up and got a jar of water to water the plants and his wife told him not to, because she feared he would get dizzy!!?? I do know for fact he did not like that. Over protection will not help him. It will only make him feel crippled! The right thing I believe was to let him do it while standing by his side just incase he got dizzy, but not to tell him not to do it.
In the evening when me and my sister passed by he was really down, also had a strange frown on his face, not smiling nor reacting with us as he used to. I felt really down. I asked him if he was upset cause we are not by his side as often as we used to at the hospital, and I continued telling him that we want to be there all the time but can’t because we do not want to invade their privacy.
The fact and the matter is we cannot go there as often as we want to … long and complicated story. But as I spoke to Sam, I put it as best as I could, because I cannot tell him we were told to go at certain hours. And the other thing is, she said something that really bothered me the other day. She said, please do not get upset but I don’t want you (addressing me) to speak to the doctor much, I should do that because I’m the one responsible for Sam.
Honestly, it did bother me. I just did not comment much. I do know she is the one living with dad and that she is the one with him most of the time, but still that does not mean I cannot speak to the doctor about his case or say my opinion openly. In all cases, I tend to give her as much space as I can. Dad is all she has got. She does of course have her sisters and brothers, but she was never blessed with kids. And I try not to bother her, because she is a kind woman, with negative sides just like anyone, but she should have not said that to me. I’m his daughter (eldest) and I do have the right to speak to the doctor.
The other thing I do not like at all is this over protection. The doctor himself told me that it is not right at all in his case.
Today when I went, he was in a better mood. A neighbor of ours went to visit him; he is one of the sweetest people in our building. He told him he would pray with him and they did. Sam was in a good mood thank God the remainder of the day; till he was told that tomorrow he would have to go to visit the doctor.
That made him upset, why? No one has a clue. My aunt called my uncle, who is also a doctor and told him. So, he tried to explain to dad over the phone that it is a must that he goes, but of course he did not know what dad’s reaction was, but it was assumed negative.
A little while earlier, mom had fainted!! Today was quite a messy day! I am blessed with two very stubborn and negligent parents where health issues are concerned. Mom is obsessed with keeping her weight constantly lower than average, and she is always on diet! And dad hates doctors and is not good at controlling his temper and worrying.
Mom was ok later on but still a bit weary. She has been fasting for some months before Ramadan, and also now! And her diet sucks! I practically beg her sometimes to stop this odd way of living, but in vain.
And where dad is concerned, I always kept telling him not to get so upset over the slightest things and stop worrying excessively about issues, but also in vain. I know it is sometimes nature, but I believe that we can all refine our natures to some extent, especially if we are told that they may negatively affect our health. We can never change completely but refinement does work if we practice.
When I went tonight, he pointed out to his mustache, that he trimmed it and was smiling. I was happy he was doing things he is used to. I asked him to go out of the bedroom to sit outside with us. He agreed. I was so happy. He reached to the remote control of the television and shut it off. Again a good sign he is himself to a great extent. Organized. He then placed the scissors kit into the drawer where he keeps them, placed the remote control in its place and walked out with me. I was really happy he did that. Later on came one of my uncles and he was happy to see him.
Hhhhuuuh (real long sigh).
I still ask you to kindly keep praying for Sam. God knows how long he will stay like this. Please pray for him to talk soon. To smile and laugh from his heart again. Pray that his blood pressure does not cause any further complications and that he gives in a bit to the doctor visits! I really want to hear his voice again. To hear him whistling to his birds and talking to them while feeding them as he used to. I miss Sam’s voice. Al hamd Lillah.
Please pray for mom to be alright, she also has heart problems and that was my main concern this evening. She was admitted in the hospital a few years ago and last winter she had beginnings of heart angina.
Finally, please please please pray for me. I have so many things that need to be sorted out and taken care of.
Tomorrow will be a difficult day, unless if Sam does not give us all a hard time to get dressed to go to the doctor. We cannot drag him to go. I did have a talk with him tonight, and told him that he has nothing to worry about. It is not like the doctor will admit him into the hospital again (God Forbid). I told him that it is for his own good. We are all trying to tell him. I don’t know if dad is worried that maybe the doctor will admit him to the hospital again or not, but insha’Allah (God willing) that will not be the case, but I told him he has to go anyway and that it is for his own good.
Sometimes I feel that his wife’s paranoia upsets him badly. I sometimes feel she is giving us false impressions due to this paranoia. Sometimes I even doubt she understands him. It did happen on several occasions while we were at the hospital.
In all cases I pray he gives in tomorrow and goes. We all need to know what the doctor will say about his current status and what should be done during this coming period. Plus he needs to have a brain scan since he did not do it when he was leaving the hospital (again, one of the reasons that I was really upset because of my step mother’s over protection, since she will let dad do what he wants just not to upset him). I know she cares a lot for him, but sometimes we should not give in to certain things especially if they are health concerned.
I also pray she changes her cooking habits too because dad’s cholesterol level was not good at all! Again, she got defensive when I mentioned the types of food he eats. So I said what I wanted in the most diplomatic manner!
Boy am I in such a difficult situation.
I do not want to upset her or any one, but some things are really getting on my nerves!
Anyway, I’m really glad I have you people by my side. Thank you for all your warm wishes and prayers. I cannot thank all of you enough. You’ve all been a great source of support.
I’m so sorry if this was so long for u to read, but I wanted to share with you all what was happening.
Don’t forget me in your prayers! I am very exhausted mentally and physically. Al hamd Lillah anyway. There are people in worse situations.
My prayers for the people of Pakistan, Kashmir, Palestine, Iraq, New Orleans, Amman-Jordan and any other spot where anyone is going through any difficulty whatsoever Especially Pakistan during this time.
posted by Dalulla at 2:16 AM
11 Comments:
Allah ykhalleehoulik. :)
hamdellah 3la salamat Uncle , Dalia , thanks God, Take care from your self . I join you in the prayers for everyone passing through any difficulty
Hi Dalia,
Alf 7amdellah 3ala salamet your father, rabina yetamem shifah 3ala .7air insha'allah:)
Warm wishes:)
Thank you for the update, Dalulla. I've been wondering how it is going. I would like to share a little with you regarding my experience with my father who had a stroke and suffered some brain damage. If I am being too forward in my advice I apologize.
First, it is very common for people with any sort of brain injury to have moods or emotions that are totally out of character. It's also quite common for them to feel depressed and angry at their situation.
My father, like yours, was unable to communicate for a very long time and still has difficulty doing so. His vocabulary is less than ten words. It is frustrating for them and for you but you will all learn to cope with it in time. But finding a good speech therapist is worth every trouble. And your family will have to work with your father as well. He will have to try harder than he ever has in his life but if he is ever to speak or write again it is necessary. Your family cannot be easy on him or let him be lazy or feel sorry for himself. He may get angry from time to time, as my father did at me for forcing him to do his therapy, but it is what must be done for his rehabilitation.
The most important thing to remember is to look after yourself first. You cannot take care of anyone else if you have not taken care of yourself.
As always I wish you and your family all the best.
Congratulations and best wishes for your father and for you.
Ahmed, Roora, Wonderer,
thank you so much. I do pray He gets through this insha'Allah.
Jane,
You needn't be sorry, I totally agree with you. But the problem is my step mother. She is way too protective and she is treating every one including me as outsiders as if she is the only one who understands him soley.
As i mentioned, she is a good woman. I respect her and love her, cause she has many good sides. But Still my step motherm and does have negative sides which do not helo in this case. For example she will not change her cooking habits even though dad has been being told over and over that he must loose weight even before the stroke, but no change. It doesn't help him at all. She got defensive the other day when i mentioned the eating habits and types of food...
I know for fact there are many things she does not understand, because even with my son, and others there are things she is unable to understand and deal with like easy going pple.
Besides i must be very careful about what i say and how i say it because she may get upset at the slightest thing. And she sticks with words and comprehends them the way she wants to and no matter how hard you try to explain, what's in her head is in her head!
I get along with her pretty well, i take things easy and try to comfort every one around me. The other thing is, dad almost all the time used to take her side of any argument just not to upset her. So i am trying to keep things under control without upsetting any one.
What you said about being not too easy on him is exactly what i believe as well. By that i do not mean that we should be mean or hard, but firm and not give in to his demands if they are not in his favor.
Yesterday i was speaking to him firmly yet lovingly. He wanted to go to his room not to listen to what i and his wife were telling him regarding the Doctor visit and the brain scan, but toour luck the housekeeper was cleaning the bedroom and he had no where to flee to. I really feel for him. I feel his frustration and depression, but i was telling him that he is a man of strong faith and is and always has been persistant. I told him he needs to fight this, not get depressed and believe that it is teporary and that only he can help us help him.
What his wife does is tell us to stop when she feels he is getting upset. But I do not listen to her all the time. But he still will not listen. We cannot drag him to the doctor.
He ended up not going anyway. One of his sisters called the doctor. I was told directly not to speak to the doctor about dad. I really have no choice. Things are kind of complicated at my end where dad and his wife and sisters are concerned.
God knows i am tryig to do and say what i can for Dad's well being.I am in a predicament.. But trying to do my best and trying to do it in the wisest manner possible.
Jane I cannot thank you enough for sharing your good feelings with me and your dad's experience. I don't mean any thing bad, but i hope dad's case does not end up with him not talking and writing well again. I just wish he gets better. The doctor told me today that hope fully if he works with a speech therapist and maintains a high spirit he should get well within approximately 3-4 months but will not be normal 100%.. Expected.. But hoping for the best.
Nightlegend,
Thank you very much
"By that i do not mean that we should be mean or hard, but firm and not give in to his demands if they are not in his favor."
I absolutely understand this. Your Fathers generation is very proud and independent. These generational attributes are a part of him that you deeply love. For them to loose these charateristics can be devastating. It is part of growing old. It is very difficult for them to change.
I will continue to pray for the strenght of you all.
Dalulla,
"Jane I cannot thank you enough for sharing your good feelings with me and your dad's experience. I don't mean any thing bad, but i hope dad's case does not end up with him not talking and writing well again. I just wish he gets better."
I also hope your father has a better recovery than mine did. I'm sure he will in time. My father suffered a massive stroke and was on the verge of death for several days. It sounds like your father, although very seriously ill, suffered far less brain damage. Hopefully your step-mother will come around and see that she needs to be strong and do what is best for her husband. Good luck.
7amdella 3ala salamet Uncle w Rabena yetammemlo elshifa... w ye2aweeke w yesabarkom kolokom isA :-)
Alf hamdella 3ala salamet your dad Dallula, my prayers go out to him and you w ye'awemo b alf salama ya rab.
Emory,
You got it all right. That is one thing that my step mom is tampering with without noticing and won't listen even when we try to tell her in the best way possible.
she is always making him feel he cannot do things each time he tries.
Thank you for your prayers.
Jane,
God willing, I have hope. He is progressing, at least when i work with him his responses are great (masha'Allah, God protect and bless him). If only my step mom would calm down a bit and stop this over protection and know it all attitude, things will be smoother for all of us.
His brain infarction was not on a large scale, but because of his excessivly high blood and sugar levels his doctor was unable to inject him with a diffusion dose given to dissolve it. That is why the speech was lost, but other wise he would have risked internal brain hemorage, which ofcourse was out of the question. His condition should get better by keeping his moral high, working with a speech threapist, leading a normal life, taking his medications and most important of all God's will to heal him. I have hope and I have faith. But we need to all work together with no stress induction from any one, which is unfortunately not the case. I am doing my best at trying to maintain a stress free environment, but it is not easy.
Thanks for your good luck wish.
Me,
Allah yesalemek, please keep the duaa going ya D.
Charismatc soul,
Allah ye7fathek ya rab, thanks a million, same as me, please do not stop praying.
And please all of you do me a favor, in the case you come here, pray for others as well who may be going through health problems and are unable to find help. Pakistan, Iraq, Somalia, Palestine, New Orleans, and all the other places and people i missed out on.
At least my father is being looked after and has shelter and family, others don't.
Allahoma Ishfy mardana, wa marda al moslemeen wa marda al nas ajma3een...Allahoma Ighfir lana khatayana wa tahrna. Ameen, ameen, ameen
I pray God heals our sick ones, the sick ones of all Moslems, and all the sick ones of all people world wide. God please forgive us for our sins and clense us. Amen, amen, amen.
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