Emotions

One day ends, a new one begins.

Many lives end and many others begin, but all on the same day.

It is the same sun however, rising and setting this earth.

It is the logic God created and the proof is all mankind know it and naturally accept it

otherwise there would have been no new borns at all!

Life is but a short journey, may it be a fruitful one

for me, you and all mankind.

Amen Amen Amen

It is so fascinating how a person can go through so many different emotions of extreme on one single day... Stress, happiness, sadness, loneliness, and many more.

This past period of time has been like this, during the same one day so many issues all at the same time and with extreme emotions. This is the mercy Allah has bestowed on us. The balance we experience and that keeps us going.

There are two things that I really wanted to point out to with regards to today. Today was a day that had two extremes. Condolences to a very dear friend and visiting a new born baby.

The worst thing was most of the day Omar wasn't with me since it would not have been appropriate to take a three year old while giving condolence to the deceased's family. That was one thing that was making me feel lonely and worried. I don't like it when my son is not around me, especially when he is not feeling so well. He had diarrhea and I was worried about him, but his presence with my mother and his nanny to help mom with him. Mom is the only person I can leave Omar with, she knows how to handle him to a comforting extent (however I can never feel complete comfort except when he is with me…) take care of him.

S, who is an old and dear friend, lost his father the day before yesterday. Only the way he found out was painful. He works abroad, and his wife has been in Cairo visiting for the past two months or so. His father had been admitted to the hospital a couple of months ago suffering liver problems I think. So S was aware his father was seriously ill. He was here in Cairo when his dad had been admitted the first time, but then S sadly had to leave because of his work. Anyway, a couple of days his wife who is also a dear friend calls me and she tells me that her father in law passed away. Only S's mother did not tell him that. She told him to fly to Cairo since his father was very ill this time. S gets on a plane yesterday and is coming to see his father only to find out on the plane His beloved father had already passed away!

S is a very emotional person, extremely gregarious, always manages to make people smile, gets people from here and there gathered every now and then, and is very good at staying in touch with all those he loves and cherishes. The following heartbreaking sms (short message via mobile) was received by me and my husband as well as all his friends before he even arrived.

"I write this message on a plane alone going home to see my sick father. I look in the newspapers shocked to see his name. To the newspaper, he is but a name; to me the world. This world had gone with him passing away. May he rest in peace....... Condolence: 14 March (details and place) . S.A."

Every one's heart ached for him. We all do for our loved ones losses and grieve. This message made me and everyone else sense what pain and shock poor S went through, all alone on that plane. He knew that his father was sick, the thought of him dying may have crossed his mind, but to find out by chance his father was already gone, and that he will not even be able to kiss him farewell and join in the prayers for him as he is placed in the grave is a difficult situation. God knows, maybe it would have been harder for him to have been present as his dad was taken into the grave...

S was at the mosque today, standing, wanting to cry but holding the tears inside. His younger brother B was standing next to him along with other men in front of the men's hall. Basem seemed very distressed and exhausted.

As Ulysse and I approached the entrance of the mosque leading to where they stood, I fought so hard to hold my tears. S's mother was an ambassador for many years, always traveling for long periods varying according to her assignments. Uncle M was the one taking care of S and B.

B has wide bright colored smiley eyes. Tonight they were puffy and watery. S the same. Their mother was holding up at the beginning when I arrived. But as I left, I left her with tears and agony.

On the way back Ulysse and I were silent. The sms was echoing in my mind. My son was still with mom, but she had taken him over to my grandma's with my aunt and her eldest daughter.

I agreed I would go over to her house to pick up Omar's bag then maybe will pick him up from granny's place. On the way to mom's house, my cousin's new born came to my mind. My cousin is staying with her mom and dad now a days and they are real close to where mom lives. I found myself saying Z (the baby)... I wish I can see her. Ulysse was extremely tired but sweetly proposed we go visit her. I did not get a chance to see her since the day she was born (Friday, March 3rd) and he knew how much I wanted to and he sensed my need to do so at that particular time. I am so thankful he proposed to go there despite his exhaustion.

I passed by mom's, picked up Omar's stuff then headed over to my uncle's to see Z. There is something that many friends and family find awkward about me (i have no clue why). I have excessive motherly instincts towards people around me. To a great extent with my cousins and my sisters. N my cousin who has been blessed with Z is about eight years younger than I. I am the eldest amongst the cousins from my mother's side and the second eldest from my father's.

When N got married I held her so tight and cried tears of joy to see her getting married and beginning her life with her adorable husband S. Now N is a mother!!! The second after me. But I feel as if I were her own mother! I actually had cramps the day she was schedualed for delivery. All through her pregnancy I was waiting anxiously for her baby. I used to kiss her stomach before even greeting her with a kiss herself, always smiled at her and told her, sorry baby comes first now. I used to speak to Z and tell her that I love her and that I can't wait to see her come to this world safely.

Z is a lovely but very tiny girl. Today was the first time I got to carry her close to me. She is really tiny! I could not take my eyes off her face. She was sleeping almost all the time. N offered tea and cake. I could not leave Z, did not want to. But then N's mom came laughing, took her and told me to eat and drink my tea.

I am in love. Totally in love with Z. She comforted my unease just by being in my arms. Just by looking at her innocent face I was over whelmed with joy. I did not forget S or his pain, but there was a balance. Allah is merciful. He designed us with versatile emotions. One can be so sad, then something comes up out of now where and creates and emotional uplift.

Best of all, when I went to granny's to pick Omar up, he greeted me with so much warmth and longing. Al hamd Lillah (all due thanks to Allah).

Today, I contemplated on this life and its immortality, was vividly reminded that some day my own life will end. I thanked God for being able to recognize that quite frequently anyway, but today was a strong reminder. It helps one to work even harder in whatever short time we have for the after life (eternity) and makes us count our blessings and thank God for them. It makes us get over weaknesses and sadness or at least helps us to become more patient knowing that it is highly rewarded by Allah (to be patient that is).

Z reminded me of the beauty of life and its warmth and present innocence and beauty. She reminded me of Omar when he was he was a small infant like her. The love and warmth in that house and the smiles made me happy. The happiness in all their eyes and my husbands cheered me up. Omar made me feel so loved and missed during the hours he spent far away from me. He made me feel I am lucky to have him, to have my husband, to have a mother that is helpful and reliable. I saw granny and kissed her hands as usual and in the short time I stayed there I remembered my childhood in that home and now my son also had his moments to leave a memory in that home (of course not the first time). Omar also kissed granny good bye and kissed her hands lovingly as I do. He kissed my mother good bye and my cousin too. Too bad my aunt was praying, so I did not get a chance to say hello or good bye.

Next Friday is N's daughter's birth celebration, we call it a sebo'o (a word derived from the number seven), it is an Islamic tradition to celebrate the coming of a child after seven days. but this one should be named something else since it is not after seven days, lol.

The whole family and other families will be there. I cannot wait. I love our family gatherings; they are so full of love and unity.
I do pray all humanity can celebrate something of the sort. Amen.

Last but definitely not least. My prayers to uncle M, S and B's father to be granted by Allah forgiveness, peace and for his grave to be part of the heavens above. Amen Amen Amen

May Allah forgive us all for any sins and may he guide us to what will be of real use to us after we part this life and move on to the next. Till the Greatest day, the Day of Judgment when nothing will suffice for us but our deeds in this life time and His never ending mercy and kindness which He himself has promised all mankind. Lucky are they who understand and act accordingly, May I and you be amongst those who do so. Amen Amen Amen.