Why all the pressure?

Why all the pressure? I sometimes wonder why people's standards of judgment can be so unfair. When you say what you think is right and here i mean not what you think as in a personal opinion, but according to certain well known standards of ethics, morals and religion, people still do not like what you say and accusations begin.

For example, say you are a person who does not like garlic in their food. You hate it to the extent that you can sense it even if it is in traces. Can anyone blame you for not wanting to eat from that food? Would you still cook food containing garlic even if in minute amounts knowing the person you are inviting hates it so much?

Or for instance a friend so dear stabbed you so hard so many times in the back. You kept forgiving but one time the stab was too much to handle. Can anyone blame you for not being able to deal with that person again? Can anyone force you to be in the same place with that person even if the gathering is essential? Can anyone blame you for not wanting to be in the same place with that person especially if you are going through a health crises and feel u do not want that person to see you in that state???

Here's more. What if you were totally resisting the idea of being in that same place, but were convinced by those dear ones who want you to be there that that person is not going, then you finally agree. What is the point of bringing up the persons name again and asking: What "If" that person were there, why can't you come anyway??? !!!

Why? Why bring it up again? Why after the person in pain felt assured and appreciated that their worst fear will not appear in front of them bring the subject up again and press on it??
What if that person in pain is your father and the other your step father? What if you have been brought up with that step father, but know for yourself what kind of pain he caused (regardless if u feel it or not, although it is obvious) and that he has caused so much emotional damage for your father, why keep pressing on a matter you know does not have closure and brings only pain to your father while his health condition cannot support such stress???? Even if You personally think that life goes on and so forth.. It still does not give u that right (from my opinion at least).

A father is a father. My father did not want for this person to take his place, nor did he give up on his kids. I did not want him either and I had very good reasons too, but did not interfere in decisions made, I know my limits but suffered anyway as a result. It is a long and complicated story and i do not wish to get into it, but I feel so much pain for Dad. I am worried sick for him and fear that this pressure may lead to a crises, I pray no.. but what makes me say so, is that it seems that Dad has been trying to seem ok to all of us before the stroke (although I knew he was not, because i too am not till this minute, but able to deal with it as best as I can because I am forced to not because I want to, imagine him) but the poor man has been holding it inside till it blasted in his brain with that stroke!

Dad's family has nothing to do with my step father, in other words, there is no way that he would be present near or far in any event concerned with their family. After an incident of pressure Dad has experienced lately from some one close also concerning the possible presence of my step father the following has happened.

Dad is supposed to get dressed up to go to my cousin's sons' birthday party, and then all of a sudden he says to his wife, I don't want to go. She asks why? It is a lovely day and it will be a nice gathering outdoors in the fresh air. He says what if A is there?!!! Major shock! WHAT???! She tells him, Sam, you are going to a gathering for your sister's son's kids, how can A possibly be there? He sadly says, maybe he will be there, you never know! She assured him that A will not be there and that it will be alright.

When i saw him that day, Dad did not seem alright, he hasn't sounded alright for some time after that session of pressure he went through.

Each one of us has different levels of tolerance to issues. Someone may be hurt from something and simply does not want to even hear of it. Why would anyone get angry at something like that? Especially if you are close kin to that person. Not only that, they believe strongly you have no reason to do so (even though some issues may be very painful and difficult to forget about)! Some times even for the sake of loved ones a person cannot step on their feelings and do what they want them to do. It is sometimes too heavy a burden to carry, especially when one is not in good health. No energy, too much pain are involved.

OK whatever... but I still say no one can feel the amount of pain someone is going through other than themselves. You may be able to feel for them, but to what extent? Definitely nothing compared to the person themselves. That has to be respected and the matter should be avoided.

Why is it so difficult to understand that? Why can't people just respect others' feelings and pain, rather than underestimating that pain and deciding what they can and cannot tolerate? Why do they give themselves that right?

Some kinds of pain may be resolved and with closure, but other kinds of pain no. and believe me, not because one does not want to, sometimes it is just way over your head. Otherwise in the Quraan Allah (Our creator who knows us best) would not have said that forgiveness depends on capability. Allah does encourage those who can forgive the wrong doers to do so, and it is highly rewarded. But if someone hurt you so bad and no two people can say that that wrong doing is variable but truly wrong according to ethics and morals and religion then a person cannot be accused of being black hearted or not forgiving (like murder for instance or betrayal).

This varies from one person to another and also depends on the problem that person may have gone through. A person may get along with their lives, but it is like a ghost haunting a person sometimes.

Am I being unfair? Or am I right?