Another dimension
I guess the physical effort is getting to me. I do believe the psychological pressure is also playing an important role, and definitely my anemia is doing a good job too! I am naturally anemic, but after I had my complete blood count test at the lab, I discovered it increased!
The other day, I totally collapsed… could not breathe, felt my brain and lungs were shrinking, could not lift my arms properly… my eyelids were getting heavy and each time they closed I felt I was stepping into a different dimension. It was hard and scary. Honey, olives, salty cheese, nothing did anything... for some time that is. After about fourty five minutes, I was able to sort of be in control of the dimension thingy!
Al hamd lillah. Was I dying? Was I going to die? Or is it just the extreme motherhood I feel towards Omar that makes me fear death now more than any time.
I do not want to live in this life for any pleasures.. Only watching for my son and taking care if him till he can depend on himself is all I ask God for …gladly too. I want this baby to be safe too. I do pray GOD helps me to physically and psychologically come through all of these efforts I have to make.
I am scared … very much, yes I am.
posted by Dalulla at 1:03 AM
2 Comments:
Have you seen your doctor? This is not right. Pregnancy and motherhood can be physically demanding but you should not be collapsing like this. Please see a doctor right away, get as much help as you can with taking care of Omar and the house, and most importantly, eat and rest well. Please keep me updated. I worry about you. Be well.
Jane, the problems are known.. 1) Anemia 2) no maids 3) I have a family with too many issues and I am always dragged in one way or the other...
1) Anemia: I have been prescribed two tablets of iron and vitamin tablets per day instead of two in addition to the calcium and multivitamins (I did not even buy the calcium yet but will do
2) No maids: that is partially solved since i have one maid who comes in to clean the house from top to bottom twice a week, but it is definitely not enough since we live in a very polluted and dusty country. My house has to be cleaned on a daily basis, minimum, the vacume cleaner has to be taken around the house on a daily basis, the furniture gathers dust as if it is a magnet attracting bits and pieces of iron from every where… The kitchen issues are always open… laundry is a daily basis and I do not use the dryer, I must take all of it out to hang and then remove them all… then fold them, then arrange them… etc etc… Omar needs lots of attention… has lots of things that need to be taken care of… I can barely cook with me and him alone at home.. it takes a long time to be able to concentrate in what ever it is I am doing.. he’s been sick too…
3) family with too many issues and I am always dragged in whether I like it or not… tried to keep my distance but they keep dragging me in and I just cannot escape. They are family… and non of their issues are issues I like. Some times I cannot even express my anger or disapproval and have to keep it in to buffer the other person’s anger against the other… so I need to be the negotiator and the diplomat all the time… what I like or dislike in most cases is not the matter since it will stir things up and I do not want that to happen… so I have to swallow my anger and calm people down. Very complicated Jane… and what makes it worse is my father’s health condition, and mother also has a history of beginnings of heart angina…. So… go figure!!!!!!!
I know things pass; all I pray for is for God to help me with the patience and to protect my son and the coming baby from any negative effects. I also pray He would give me the physical strength… So far I am surviving… It is just that day when I collapsed that did and still does scare me. But what can I do. Need your prayers and others too.
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