to my friend
My dear friend, I hear you talk, and I listen, and I so feel for you. I wish there was something I can do to make your distress end. I can feel your pain, and more, your panic and struggle with yourself. truly that is the biggest struggle of all. no one can run or abandon one's self, so the struggle can not leave you until resolved. you want to be good, right, and yet you want to be happy. And right now, you feel these things conflict within you, and you are confused. You wish you can be told what the correct solution is. The solution that would not cause you regret or remorse, or worse, God's anger or disapproval.
I feel for you with all my heart, wish I can reach in your heart and make it all better. I know I can't, though I promise to do what i can, but el hamdolillah, I know God can, and I am hopeful that He indeed will. I pray to God to help you out, I also ask God that I be a good friend to you these days, that I give you the right advice, and be a good listener when you need to talk.
things get clouded sometimes, especially when you feel that you are tired and want to do something about it, and are held back by your guilt, consciense or your own self doubts. You are what you are, and that is no small thing. I think you are a good person, with a good heart and good intentions. you are certainly a great friend. sometimes, things are more than we can handle, and it doesn't mean we are bad people. take it easy on yourself. Cheer yourself up, I will definitely try to help you with that ISA. Hope the day comes tomorrow with a smile on your face and peace in your heart. I love you lots. yours D
posted by doshar at 2:54 AM
14 Comments:
may God help your friend ...
friendship is a real priceless possision.. take care of it always..
thats wht friends are for!
take care urself..
Blue
Hi everyone,
By the way, this post is by Doshar, not me.. We are supposedly working together now on my blog...
Irina what u mentioned is absolutely true.. I am the one Doshar is addressing. this post of her touched me so much. She is always trying to be there for me and for anyone who is in need. To me she is a great support. Always was and still is thank God. Her heart felt words r a great support. I do pray things get better. You cannot imagine how hard i am trying, and the most difficult is wanting things to go well with God's blessings. Sometimes being happy might mean breaking someone's heart, which is something i cannot take. I'd rather end up broken hearted. I pay things do not go that far though, and i have hope that as long as i am trying, God will help somehow to avoid heartache for any of the involved parties.
Having a friend like Doshar is a blessing in itself.. I don't know what i would have done without her. She is a special gift from God, and I truely deeply thank Him For having her by my side. I know i can turn to her any time and she will do everything in her power to be of help. Feeling for me is more than enough, even if no solutions are set forth.
As blue said, that is what friends are for and friendships of this sort are truely a priceless possession.
blue.. Thank you
MY DEAR DOSHAR,
I cannot thank you enough! I truely can't. But i still want to tell you, THANK YOU for always putting up with me at times when i am so down. You are so supportive, loving, caring, selfless, giving, caring, wise, and most important of all, God and human loving.
I've always been struggling on my own (in terms of human support that is, God was always there) but it is very important to have human tenderness and you give me that, you give me plenty of that. Thank you again.
I pray everyone be blessed with a friend like this wonderful human being in my life called Doshar.
Good luck, Dalulla. Hopefully things will be go smooth and no hearts will be broken.
dalulla,
I know you will be better ISA and very soon too. Because your heart is simply in the right place ISA.
and you over flatter me, you know i am terrible at taking praise or complements, so please don't :), and i have done nothing really to help you in a practical sense, and besides, i Expect no less of you when i need you too, that is what friends are for.
Doshar - [Off pot here] Thanks for very well informed comment you left me. You nicely winded it up for me :-)
haal,
thank you for your kind wishes. I appreciate it a lot. Every wish and prayer counts and gives support. I am not the giving up type, especially that i believe everything in this life is precious. But sometimes i get weak, i am only human and have my own needs and need support every now and then. I am glad u are one of those giving me this support :-)
you too made me smile and every word you said helped and i thank you for it.
Insha'Allah no hearts will be broken. I always pray for that, but in this situation it is my heart that is in pain, but i am exerting as much effort as i can to try to make things better for every one, but the problem is me.
Strangely enough, i've always been the one bearing the pain just to make others happy, and that is why i am hurting in silence. I would not change that though. I'd rather hurt but not see others hurting. But I know down deep inside, maybe that'll change. Perseverence will pay insha'Allah, if not now maybe and hopefully in the after life.
But thank God, things are alright somehow. The curve just goes down sometimes (quite often actually) but others do not feel what they are doing to me. But again Al hamd lillah for every thing.
:-) Thanks anyway
I have no clue what are you talking about, but I know that all human pain boils down to the same core issues.
My advice, if any, just look into the real reasons of why you like to be always the one who suffers. Look into the previous patterns, the energy around this 'bearing the pain', the common factor, the end results, ur state after this stage passes..etc you might learn something about yourself.
Good luck.
GOod luck
:) your friend is blessed to have you...
EnshaaAllah ya Dallula , everything will be fine , "En m3 el3osr yossra " ,
Don't take too much on you self , i don't know what you and Doshar talking about , but I am sure that you can get more patient by counting the blessed things that you have now in your life and you didn't have before or others don't have like your son Omar:)
Try to have some change
I also don't know what exactly you and Doshar are talking about ... but anyway ya Dalulla .. Rabena me3aki ya gameela... like Roora said... count your blessings... a very easy and constant way of doing this is during the "tasabee7" after the prayers when you're saying "el7amdulilah" 33 times try and think of everything you want to say el7amdulilah for.. visualise it and feel it ... when you do this after each prayer it makes 5 times a day .. and the results are amazing...
My advice, if any, just look into the real reasons of why you like to be always the one who suffers. Look into the previous patterns, the energy around this 'bearing the pain', the common factor, the end results, ur state after this stage passes..etc you might learn something about yourself.
Haal,
I definitely do not "like" to suffer. But sometimes someone has to be the more patient one in a certain situation for it to pass otherwise it will simply flare up.
Some things are just too valuable to risk or to damage. So someone has to be the buffer.
It seems that for some reason I am always the one to play this role because i simply find those around me so irrational and impatient and not willing to cool down and have a rational converstion or a calm one.
Ya3ni if i and person x are having a talk and all of a sudden for no aparent reason this talk from person x begins to go out of way, i choose to be the one calming the situation down, and this requires lots and lots of tolerence and patience and wisdom in the choice of words or reactions, otherwise we will both end up screaming our lungs out and not reaching anywhere. I do not like loud voices or agressiveness. I'd rather talk things through in an amicable, decent and reasonable manner. I always hated loud voices and i do not think i can ever solve a problem in that manner or at moments of extreme anger.
I am aware that sometimes there is a need voices must be raised, but the more avoided the better and the more the decency the better. Everything can be solved or compromised i guess, or simply ended at some point.. It is this unresolved anger i do not like and i do not think it would appeal to anyone either. Too much damge.
Roora and Me,
I agree with u both about counting blessings, eyesite alone is one great one, let alone all other numerouse ones. but what happens is sometimes i feel exhausted from containing those around me, it has been going on for quite a long time.
At this stage of my life i was hoping i would be contained rather than still continuosly containing.
Maybe it is a test. I do fine sometimes but get tired others.
But i guess if i have to then i will. What else can i do? AL hamd lillah for everything. You cannot imagine how hard it is to restrain yourself from loosing your anger or answering back at many instances. I choose wise silence and wiser words later. Many instances i see and know others reply back, but loose a lot. It is not easy begad.
Sometimes i have to trap my tears just not to make situations worse. I trained myself to hold them back and even keep them for myself when i am alone, when in certain situatioins it is normal for a woman to cry, I cannot. What makes it more and more difficult is when u try to reason with someone and they do feel at that moment how wrong they are but still continue the same attitude on a different and very close encounter. It keeps happening. And we come to step one all over again as if we agreed to nothing. I still have hope isa.
I do know insha'Allah GOD will help me persevere and i have seen some good progress from those around me. Maybe slow but better than nothing.
Yala kolo be thawabo I hope ;-)
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