Monday, November 28, 2005

Michael Jackson and the Mosque.

The above photo and article were e-mailed to me some years back. This is Germain Jackson, Michael Jackson's brother.
Sub7ana Allah.. La keda 3ageb wala keda 3ageb (meaning, nothing satisfies people!)… I was visiting a fellow blogger's blog… and they wrote something about another post at another blogger's blog… About Michael Jackson intending to build a mosque in Bahrain (

I personally see no problem in that. I do despise what I hear about the child molestations. But I learned something and that is "GOD KNOWS". I did not see with my own eyes, therefore God Knows (He is the all knower all hearer of every detail in this life)... I feel it is only fair.
There is also a saying by Prohet Muhammed (Allahoma Saly 3aleih) that says, man satara mo2manan fel donya sataraho Allaho fel Akhera.. Those of you who do not expose those of faith shall be protected and never exposed to others on the day of judgement.. My own translation.. I think the meaning is the same. There fore we are advised not to speak of that which will harm people. I think if the situation is of serious concern then go speak to the person face to face, if you can't then pray for them. And I believe that is much more useful rather than ruining people's reputaions.

Thing is, has anyone seen him? Do they have four eye witnesses? The Quraan said so did it not? Yeah concerning Zina (man and woman having unlawful or sex out of marriage) but it is the same concept. I don't like the media much. And I sure do not like the scandals they make about people. We are advised in Islam not to speak of one another ill, imagine this!

I am not defending MJ, but at the same time am not in the position to say he is guilty. I really try to take very good care when things are that sensitive, God's wrath and vengeance is great where issues of back biting and scandals are concerned. Moslem or no Moslem, we should not speak ill of people. As best as we can. Besides, it happens on such a large scale in the United States.. All the rich and famous are practically stalked down by the paparazzis. They can't go out and not be chased by them. Sometimes the chases are even life threatening and get violent!

MJ has a Moslem brother. Iman and hedaya could be a motive; I pray they are, why not? Why not give the man a chance to do some thing good. God knows maybe what he is doing will be the cause of his hedaya... Of his repentance for what ever sins he has.

I just strongly believe that good and bad deeds are an issue between man and his creator... Instead of mocking people and speaking ill of them, what surrounding people should really do is try to be of positive impact by prayers and offering good advice when possible. We must be open to goodness and encourage it instead of mocking it and being of negative impact.

Wallaho A3lam!

Sunday, November 27, 2005


Today (Friday) was a nice but exhausting day. Ulysse, Omar and I went to visit family friends. Hisham, Julia and Emad (Doudi their son).

We were supposed to go early for the kids to enjoy the sun, but as usual I was late for many reasons. I had really missed their company since they were in Romania for some months and when they came back I was out of town, then dad's health crisis.

Hisham is an old and dear friend of mine. I was introduced to his wife, Julia, the summer before last. However we did not really mingle except during this last summer. Julia is Romanian. She is a great person. She is so kind hearted and sweet.

Omar and Doudi had their moments, some fight free, and some too loving and warm! Doudi kept hugging Omar, but his hug is somewhat different than the normal hug! He actually hugs wrapping both arms around the neck and squeezes tight! Hehe… Kids!

Omar and Doudi have a 4 months difference between them, Doudi being older, born August 25th. His birthday was celebrated in Romania with his mother's parents, family and friends… Omar still to celebrate insha'Allah on January 1st. He will turn three.

We managed to make it at their place at around 3 p.m so there was still some sun light and warmth around. We had a nice day and later on Hisham's parents, sister and her husband joined. It was an enjoyable gathering. They're all such a lovely family. Only I had started getting edgy around five thirty p.m. I was thinking of Sam almost all the time. At the same time, I really wanted to enjoy my time and to relax. I told Julia we would leave maximum by 7 p.m. Each time I told Omar lets get ready to leave he would run away from me. I cannot blame him, he was having a good time, running around in the garden, then going in and playing indoors then back out again and so forth. Even though he and Doudi quarreled a bit every now and then, but it still seemed enjoyable for him.

I really feel comfortable around this family. Julia, like me, is easy going and simple. Hisham has a nice nature of being friendly and hospitable. Doudi is adorable!

Julia and I didn't get to sit down much. We had to chase the kids around and sometimes we had to run to unwrap their arms from around one another as they argued and got physical about something, what is funny a little while after a fight they would be hugging or kissing one another or something… But all in all it was still nice. Julia and I both keep wishing those two rug rats would grow up a bit, to enable us to be a bit free from chasing them around all the time and giving them the excess attention they need at this age. Pheww.. boy was I really tired. And what made me more alarmed all the time was the swimming pool. I had to be extra cautious for Omar not to fall in.. He sometimes walks or even runs not really paying attention to where he is going! It drives me out of my wits when he does that1

We did not want to leave, and both Julia and Hisham were asking us to stay longer, but I explained what our plan was, going to dad and all.

I was unable to stop thinking of dad. I thought I could relax, but actually the kid chases did not help much (not that I'm complaining it is my duty). Julia asked me a couple of times what the matter was, I hope she did not think any thing was wrong where she is concerned, but I explained to her anyway.

I do wish I could have been more relaxed but I could not help it.

I pray I live long enough to see Omar and Emad walking together as young decent men. This family is one I wish I can grow old having in my life.

I dropped Omar at mom's place then went to dad. We arrived at his place at almost 9:20 p.m.

He was expecting Omar, but I knew I would not be able to sit with dad for a minute without having to attend to Omar and that was the main reason I asked mom if I could drop him to her place. I told Dad I would bring Omar some other time and he was fine, but he looked some what tired.

I asked him if he would say some words, but I think he did not want to in front of Mohammed my cousin and Ulysse, which is understandable. He gets embarrassed, so Ulysse and Mohammed gladly and understandingly said they would go upstairs to the balcony. I then asked dad if he would like to do some writing practice and speech practice with me, and he gladly agreed.

I got the notebook, and started with him. But before that I asked him to say my name and he did. Today I was feeling so weak inside. It is so difficult for me to work with dad and to hear him try so hard to bring a word or name out. Astaghfiru Allah (I seek forgiveness from Allah).

He said my name, I almost cried but held my tears back and kept my very artificial brave face and tone of voice, but knelt and kissed him and hugged him warmly. We started, but today I worked on his memory and on numbers and dates. It was not all right, but considerably well al hamd Lillah.

I touched his hand by accident and found them very cold. I felt he was exerting a massive effort so I told him we would stop for now and resume later. I told him I would go upstairs. On the way, my eyes were filling with tears, so I rushed up faster and headed to the balcony when my hubby and cousin were at.

They spoke to me as I lit a cigarette but I could not speak. My voice was trapped. They got alarmed but I managed to tell them not to worry. Then a tear amongst the many restrained one came down as I was barely able to speak. I held the rest back, but I did tremble inside.

I felt so bad for Sam but very grateful to Allah at the same time...I know it could have been worse, but I'm human, I get weak and emotional.

I told them his hands were very cold from the effort he was exerting and the tension I guess. Dad does his practice happily with me, but I know it is not easy for him. He is determined to do well, I can see it in his eyes, and at the same time I see the sadness, but there is faith behind all that, and I thank God for that.

Tonight my step mother brought up the subject of taking an appointment. Dad was less resistant but still not happy hearing the matter. I do pray he does not refuse seeing the doctor.

I finished my talk with hubby and Mohammed and asked them to come down after a while so we can all sit with dad and taunt Sonia for a while then leave since it was getting late.

I went down and dad was heading to his bedroom. I asked him to say where he was going and he faintly said to the bathroom. I told him ok and that I was glad to hear from him were he was heading. I was happy yet tonight I was really weak inside for some reason. I tried hard not to show it to Sam nor taunt Sonya. They both need all the support possible. Taunt Sonya is doing every thing she can.

I pray God blesses her, gives her the strength and protects her health too. I do love that woman, she loves dad a lot and she loves my sisters and I as well. I know that for sure. I tend to always evaluate people from their good sides, which she posses a lot of, regardless of other things.

I held her tight and told her I loved her. Then dad walked out and I asked him for a group hug... A little while later he wanted to go to sleep so I went in with him to do some duaa's and to do the rakwa (some prayers advised by Prophet Muhammed). He knew what I was going to do, so he pulled my hand and placed it over his forehead, as if looking forward to it. Again a confirmation it brings comfort to him. There was something sweet my aunt had made called goulash.. It was on the dressing table and he was supposed to have a piece but was in bed tucked in. After I finished the duaa I went out to do something intending to walk in to hand him a piece, when I walked back in, I was asking: do u want goulash? He was giggling, and I realized he had helped himself to a piece already. The message I got from his eyes and laughter was "do u think I would have waited? I already helped myself to it!"

It was a nice closure to the evening with dad. I left him laughing, I pray always insha'Allah. I felt happy he was happy.

On my side, I left with a mixture of feelings of pain and sadness but also happiness for him as well. The pain I feel, does not go away, to the extent I sometimes feel physically weak! It is difficult seeing someone u love so dearly going through a hard time.

My prayers go to all other people suffering any sort of pain. I pray God helps us all to get through this.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

The photo above should make the choice easier,
so which one do you think is Sam now?

This was one of the photos I mentioned I took with me to the hospital. This was the one with the deep, positive impact on dad and his sisters (so they said). I'm glad I took it there.

Please cope with my "father" obsession these days. I know I will have nothing much to offer or talk about but dad and things connected to him. I know this is one of the ways (after prayers and resorting to God) that will help me cope with what I have at hand. I do know other people are suffering worse conditions and I thank God for every thing we are able to do for Sam.

Dad's condition is much better than many others. And we are lucky to be able to handle many things other people cannot for many reasons. That alone is a blessing.

I still pray for others. I still did not and will not forget the people suffering out there. I feel thankful to God for granting us so many blessings that those poor people don't even have access to, not even with money! But it is my weakness, I am aware of it, and posting about it, is one of the ways I feel is helping me to maintain my steadiness. Do not underestimate what you people are doing for me. It means a great deal for me and your prayers are very important for Dad, me, my sisters, aunts and step mom.

You lovely hearts have been and still are a great source of support. I must admit, reading your comments has helped and still does a great deal.

Your support means so much to me and I thank all of u, and will continue to thank you each time I read any of your comments. I appreciate them more than any of you can imagine.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Update on my Sam

Al hamd Lillah (Thank God for every thing), here goes.

First of all I want to thank all of you out there for all your prayers. They have all served us well. This situation I am going through has really proven that there is so much good out there (not that I ever doubted that). That has always been my belief. All of you have lovely hearts and souls.

Believe it or not, you have all been with me throughout this period. I felt comfortable knowing that all of you are praying for Sam and for me and my family.

There was one day when I felt real weary, so I had a blood pressure check up at the hospital, it was 100/50! The nurse was staring at me funny before she told me of the blood pressure level, and I was smiling at her. She asked if I was feeling ok, with a smile, I said a bit weary but fine. She said she did not know how I was still managing to stay on my feet. I thought to myself, I guess it is the blessing and power of God and your prayers that were helping. I smiled again at her, thanked her and walked out.

Dad was having a terrible time at the ICU. He had this tube connected to his bladder so he would not have to keep walking to the bathroom much, a catheter, I was told, In Arabic referred to as Astara.

Any way, I had that when I delivered Omar and it was very annoying. One morning, my step mother walked in the intensive care and freaked out. Dad was covered in blood! What was annoying is that no one had noticed (negligence!).

My step mom was freaking out of course (she freaks out from anything anyway, it’s her nature, imagine the bleeding situation!). Dad had pulled the catheter tube out (so the nurses claimed) and of course injured himself. That was something neither he nor us needed at this time at all. The catheter was to be removed, but that gave the doctors no choice but to keep it connected till the bleeding would stop, and dad was furious of course. All he wanted was OUT OUT OUT! Not just out of the ICU but out of the entire hospital which was out of the question at that stage.

I still do not understand what exactly happened but Sam was continuously furious with the nurses in the ICU for some reason. Maybe his inability to communicate and probably the negligence he was experiencing. For him to know and us to wonder! God Knows. That was also frustrating us too since we did not want him to be irritable, which was his case most of the time while in the ICU.

Earlier he had a high temperature and my step mom was the one who measured the temperature. It was not even recorded in his chart!

I politely gave them a piece of my mind! The negligence was always keeping us checking on him all the time. I was practically going back and forth almost all the time, so were dad’s sisters and his wife. Despite all these negative aspects, there was something good; his irritability showed his sense of awareness was good, which was a positive sign.

There was one thing I continuously did and I realized it comforted him and made him sleep. There are some prayers that have been encouraged for pain relief and for healing by Prophet Muhammad (Allahoma Saly 3aleih).

I kept using them a lot for him. One of them should be said while placing the right hand over the inflicted area. It worked with my grandmother miraculously and with me as well. The trick is to really believe that the healing power is solely from Allah. That I did and still do each time I see him.

He always tilted his head towards me, which indicated and confirmed my belief that it comforted him. He usually fell asleep or calmed down while I was at it.

Sam is the type that hates doctors and hospitals a lot. That I’m sure we all hate, but for him it is a great deal. He is just excessively negative where doctor visits are concerned in general and that is not good.

Before Sam had the Infarction, he had given my husband two photos he was very fond of and was excited to find. One of them was of him and his parents, brother (who passed away at age 42 or 43), and his two sisters. The other, of his parents alone. He wanted Ulysse to enlarge them for him. Ulysse had enlarged them and they were at my place.

I thought if I took them over they might cheer him up. So I took them with me and went to the hospital. I went and he had just been released from the ICU to a room in the hospital. When I arrived he was on his way from the ICU to his room. Boy was he relieved! He had a big smile on his face. When he went into the room, the photos were in a plastic file on top of a bouquet of flowers.

I cannot describe the happiness on his face. I never thought that they would make him this happy, so I told him I will go put them in frames and place them next to him. He did not want to let go of them, but I told him again. So he did. When I was back with the pictures in the frames he was so happy. He kept staring at them for a long time, then looked at us and smiled gladly. My aunts also said they made them very happy. I was so glad I came up with something to make dad and his sisters and wife also happy.

Dad’s doctor came by and gave him a check up and said he was doing ok. But he said he would need a speech therapist to work with him on a frequent basis. As he left he told dad he wanted him to stay till Thursday (Nov.17th, he had been in the hospital since Tuesday November 10th). That I felt was essential, but dad of course no.

Dad became very upset, he would not react with any of us, nor would he take his medications, NOTHING. Nothing but an extremely upset, disappointed and frustrated face. He went on strike. He was also supposed to have an echo (heart check up) because his wife mentioned that as he walked to the bathroom and back he had a chest pain.

He got upset she had brought that up. He did not want anything to be brought up that might end up making him staying any longer at the hospital. But what can we do? We had to tell the doctors of anything odd we noticed, it is for his own good, but to him no.

Well, my Leo dad, stayed on strike all evening, would not eat, drink or let a nurse or doctor come near him. But in the morning they managed to do the echo on his heart and thank God it was fine. In all cases he insisted to leave and that he got. His neurologist came by in the morning and my step mom told him of the strike and that she does not want to make him stay any longer, so he had no choice but to sign the release papers.

He was so happy to leave. Dad is home now. But no speech yet and no writing. He is aware of many things, but there is something still missing. He is depressed he cannot communicate and is not going to work. I feel bad for him, but Al hamd Lillah, it could’ve been worse!

One thing my dad never leaves out or left out throughout his entire life are his daily prayers, which does indicate there is something missing out from his sense of awareness. He used to go out during snow blizzards in London for the Friday prayers when he was living in England. What I mean is, nothing stopped him from praying before, and this last Ramadan he would insist on standing up during the Tarawee7 prayers (extra prayers performed after the Evening prayers only in Ramadan in the mosque).

My step mom brought it up once, and left his room, came back and found him praying the noon prayer. We all rejoiced. God knows if he remembered the Verses and performed it correctly or not. But it was something good. Second day, no prayers at all. He did not want to leave his room at all which was the case since he left the hospital.

One thing that does bother me is my step mother’s over protection plus the excessive panic she is always at that leads her to succumb to his will even if it is not in his favor.

I had a long talk with his neurologist and he said we need to hire a speech therapist as soon as he leaves... Nell … We need to encourage him to write… Nell. We need to let him practice his daily life in a normal fashion… Nell.

The other day Sam got up and got a jar of water to water the plants and his wife told him not to, because she feared he would get dizzy!!?? I do know for fact he did not like that. Over protection will not help him. It will only make him feel crippled! The right thing I believe was to let him do it while standing by his side just incase he got dizzy, but not to tell him not to do it.

In the evening when me and my sister passed by he was really down, also had a strange frown on his face, not smiling nor reacting with us as he used to. I felt really down. I asked him if he was upset cause we are not by his side as often as we used to at the hospital, and I continued telling him that we want to be there all the time but can’t because we do not want to invade their privacy.

The fact and the matter is we cannot go there as often as we want to … long and complicated story. But as I spoke to Sam, I put it as best as I could, because I cannot tell him we were told to go at certain hours. And the other thing is, she said something that really bothered me the other day. She said, please do not get upset but I don’t want you (addressing me) to speak to the doctor much, I should do that because I’m the one responsible for Sam.

Honestly, it did bother me. I just did not comment much. I do know she is the one living with dad and that she is the one with him most of the time, but still that does not mean I cannot speak to the doctor about his case or say my opinion openly. In all cases, I tend to give her as much space as I can. Dad is all she has got. She does of course have her sisters and brothers, but she was never blessed with kids. And I try not to bother her, because she is a kind woman, with negative sides just like anyone, but she should have not said that to me. I’m his daughter (eldest) and I do have the right to speak to the doctor.

The other thing I do not like at all is this over protection. The doctor himself told me that it is not right at all in his case.

Today when I went, he was in a better mood. A neighbor of ours went to visit him; he is one of the sweetest people in our building. He told him he would pray with him and they did. Sam was in a good mood thank God the remainder of the day; till he was told that tomorrow he would have to go to visit the doctor.

That made him upset, why? No one has a clue. My aunt called my uncle, who is also a doctor and told him. So, he tried to explain to dad over the phone that it is a must that he goes, but of course he did not know what dad’s reaction was, but it was assumed negative.

A little while earlier, mom had fainted!! Today was quite a messy day! I am blessed with two very stubborn and negligent parents where health issues are concerned. Mom is obsessed with keeping her weight constantly lower than average, and she is always on diet! And dad hates doctors and is not good at controlling his temper and worrying.

Mom was ok later on but still a bit weary. She has been fasting for some months before Ramadan, and also now! And her diet sucks! I practically beg her sometimes to stop this odd way of living, but in vain.

And where dad is concerned, I always kept telling him not to get so upset over the slightest things and stop worrying excessively about issues, but also in vain. I know it is sometimes nature, but I believe that we can all refine our natures to some extent, especially if we are told that they may negatively affect our health. We can never change completely but refinement does work if we practice.

When I went tonight, he pointed out to his mustache, that he trimmed it and was smiling. I was happy he was doing things he is used to. I asked him to go out of the bedroom to sit outside with us. He agreed. I was so happy. He reached to the remote control of the television and shut it off. Again a good sign he is himself to a great extent. Organized. He then placed the scissors kit into the drawer where he keeps them, placed the remote control in its place and walked out with me. I was really happy he did that. Later on came one of my uncles and he was happy to see him.

Hhhhuuuh (real long sigh).

I still ask you to kindly keep praying for Sam. God knows how long he will stay like this. Please pray for him to talk soon. To smile and laugh from his heart again. Pray that his blood pressure does not cause any further complications and that he gives in a bit to the doctor visits! I really want to hear his voice again. To hear him whistling to his birds and talking to them while feeding them as he used to. I miss Sam’s voice. Al hamd Lillah.

Please pray for mom to be alright, she also has heart problems and that was my main concern this evening. She was admitted in the hospital a few years ago and last winter she had beginnings of heart angina.

Finally, please please please pray for me. I have so many things that need to be sorted out and taken care of.

Tomorrow will be a difficult day, unless if Sam does not give us all a hard time to get dressed to go to the doctor. We cannot drag him to go. I did have a talk with him tonight, and told him that he has nothing to worry about. It is not like the doctor will admit him into the hospital again (God Forbid). I told him that it is for his own good. We are all trying to tell him. I don’t know if dad is worried that maybe the doctor will admit him to the hospital again or not, but insha’Allah (God willing) that will not be the case, but I told him he has to go anyway and that it is for his own good.
Sometimes I feel that his wife’s paranoia upsets him badly. I sometimes feel she is giving us false impressions due to this paranoia. Sometimes I even doubt she understands him. It did happen on several occasions while we were at the hospital.

In all cases I pray he gives in tomorrow and goes. We all need to know what the doctor will say about his current status and what should be done during this coming period. Plus he needs to have a brain scan since he did not do it when he was leaving the hospital (again, one of the reasons that I was really upset because of my step mother’s over protection, since she will let dad do what he wants just not to upset him). I know she cares a lot for him, but sometimes we should not give in to certain things especially if they are health concerned.

I also pray she changes her cooking habits too because dad’s cholesterol level was not good at all! Again, she got defensive when I mentioned the types of food he eats. So I said what I wanted in the most diplomatic manner!

Boy am I in such a difficult situation.

I do not want to upset her or any one, but some things are really getting on my nerves!

Anyway, I’m really glad I have you people by my side. Thank you for all your warm wishes and prayers. I cannot thank all of you enough. You’ve all been a great source of support.

I’m so sorry if this was so long for u to read, but I wanted to share with you all what was happening.

Don’t forget me in your prayers! I am very exhausted mentally and physically. Al hamd Lillah anyway. There are people in worse situations.

My prayers for the people of Pakistan, Kashmir, Palestine, Iraq, New Orleans, Amman-Jordan and any other spot where anyone is going through any difficulty whatsoever Especially Pakistan during this time.

Friday, November 11, 2005


Sami Mostafa (I call him Semsem and sometimes SAM)
My beloved father.
One of the kindest people you can ever meet, not because he is my father, but because he truely is. His excess innocence and kindness has led him to hurt so much.
Too straight, thinks every one is decent, thinks evrything should be right which is not the case in so many things in life, he gets shocked from so many things, cannot help but get a high blood pressure almost all the time! He loves working and being productive. He is loved instantly by little kids, something I've also been blessed with ..hehe. He is loved and respected by others more than you can imagine, hated by people who are concerned about personal gain, since he will not agree to what they do or agree to what they do and says it openly. Other than that, all he wants is to live in peace and let others live.
His tears can come down easily, lately, his eyes have been filling up with so many tears, but he holds them back. He is trying to stay strong. He is in shock because he cannot communicate with anyone what he wants and that is one of the things that raises his blood pressure. But i guess after a talk i had with him today, he might take it easy.. I told him he needs to be patient and that his case should not be a permenant one. He knows i only speak the truth. It shows badly if i do otherwise! He gave me three kisses today and nodded yes when i asked if he loved me!
I love him dearly, I pray he recovers soon, I pray God gives him patience, gives him courage, soothes his pain, and gives him peace and comfort.
I pray God gives me the strength to be of support to him, his wife to both my aunts. Dad, his wife and my aunts are all high blood pressure and diabetic patients.
To all my friends on the blogosphere and anyone else, I cannot thank you enough. I love you all and appreciate the warmth and support i recieved through the comments of the previous post!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

I need your prayers please!

Please pray for my father. He is in the intensive care, suffereing Brain Infarction
(Galta in Arabic). The situation is quite complicated since he is a high blood pressure
and Diabetes patient. Too many details... I just really need your prayers please.
Jazakom Allaho Khayran (May God Reward You All)

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Interesting... Can you raed tihs?

I found the following quite interesting, try it out and tell me how it went.
Can you raed tihs?
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in
waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt
tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it
wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos
not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was