Friday, December 30, 2005

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to all of you and to your loved ones!
I want to beg your pardon since the post before this one
was miserable.
I would like to ask u all to pray at New Year's eve for
every human who has suffered to be relieved somehow.
To pray the wars come to an end,
and to pray people would wake up and start thinking straight
in terms of
unity, respect, peace and love.
I love all of You and appreciate every second
you took from your time to put in a kind word for me.
I am blessed to have you all in my life.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Omar and the Cold, Sam and the Stroke.

Cold, everyone has a cold! AL hamd lillah!

My son has been sick for the past month! He was getting better than caught a virus from his mates in the nursery. Poor little thing, he not only has influenza, but an ear infection because of the cold! I never saw Omar as sick as this time, it breaks my heart. One night he woke up crying and screaming from his ears!

I was devastated and it was past 4 midnight. But thank God, It passed. I took him to the doc and he is slowly getting better.

It scared me to know that viral infections keep getting worse and worse by the day! It really does.

Omar has not been going since last Wednesday. Had a terrible cough, runny nose, the ear pain, dizziness because of it and fever every now and then reaching to 38.5 degrees Celsius!

Omar's birthday is on the first of January, Sunday. But we are arranging for the celebration to be on Thursday for our family to be able to attend since Sunday is a working day and so is the remainder of the week. Fridays are usually off.

I do pray he gets better, please pray for him.

I am also in a terribly lousy mood because I am totally unable to visit dad. I am also sick too by the way. I am too scared to get him sick. He has enough to deal with as it is.

I am thankful to God at how he has become. But I do pray He recovers despite what his doctor told me about him not recovering completely. God is kind. What ever He destines for dad, I thank Him for it. I just pray God does grant Sam and us the strength to deal with whatever situation he settles at.

My step mother is worried to an extent. Dad of course has not been back to work ever since the stroke. We are a middle/high class Egyptian family. Dad has commitments. I wish there were something I can do. I am afraid to even ask how they have been doing lately. Too embarrassed and scared to ask. Moreover, if I ask, my step mother speaks in front of him. And I do know for fact that might make him feel down.

Some times I ask myself how she fails to realize that some things should not be discussed in front of him. It is odd. Maybe I am trying to ignore it, but it is bothering me and worrying me to a great extent!

I've been trying to not write about this for some time, but I do need your kind prayers. I was too shy to ask this past period. I asked all of u many times for some time.

I really need u guys to pray for Sam, for Omar, and for me. For every one in need of a prayer of good wishes for health.

My hubby went fishing with his mom and a friend of his. I never get time to vent off. I am truly exhausted and doing my best to stay standing on my feet. I still feel so devastated each time I speak to Sam on the phone.

I am not ungrateful for God's will, but I am human. I happen to love Sam so much it just breaks my heart. I am aware we are in a much better state than many other people, but …..

Prayers Prayers Prayers P L E A S E!

Please pray God gives me the strength.

Thanks u all!

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Meeting Wonderer in flesh and blood!!!

Speaking of making friends through blogs, I can dare say it has really turned out to be a great thing. Not that I did not feel so before, but now things are getting developing nicely. Moving from the blogo-sphere world to the real world!

Doshar and I whom happen to be friends in the real life met with wonderer! It was just beautiful.

It all started with the blogging, then e-mails, then long distance calls, then local calls, then we finally had the pleasure to meet with Wonderer.

Such a lovely person, really. Who ever said that friendships cannot happen through the net? But I do admit, it may not always turn out like this.

I guess it is something with all our hearts… God knows us best, and God has guided each one of us to the other somehow, and God is protecting us from people who are not really good…

I always like to take steps forward and I do not like hindrances in building a human relationship, making a friend that is. I do rely on God's protection and my clear intentions and thank God, I have not regretted anything so far. The negatives, I learned from, and the positives have had a great impact on my life! Those who I may say were negative relationships were the people not worth knowing and therefore I had nothing to loose. But those that were and still are positive and living, walking, talking proof there are great hearts and souls out there. People who make a good impact on my life, who make me cheer up when I feel down. People who really warm my heart up and help me to keep going! (I love u all)

Thank you God, now and always!

It was my honor that the meeting went on in my humble home. See, Omar, my son, is very sick, has been for the past month!!! YES a whole month! Al hamd Lillah for every thing anyway. I was hoping we would go out and all but it was in my opinion much more comfortable at home. I felt more at ease, and she got to also see me without the Hijab (veil), so she saw all of me! hehe.

She told me I looked so different from my photo. I guess because I was wearing the veil. It does make a difference.

I would also like to mention that wonderer did not come in empty handed! She got us all gifts!!! I was shocked, really she was too sweet. It is not the materialistic aspect which mattered, rather the meaning of the thought and the effort she made to get them.

And guess what? She even got us some sandwiches; foul and ta3meya from el 3omda for a brunch!!! That was really so cute, all of it was. We spent some good time, non of us felt that we are strangers. It is so strange that we all felt that we knew each other. What is best of all we are all simple and easy going creatures, maybe that was what even made the gathering real warm and nice.

We also gave sweet "me" a call, we all wished she could have come down from Alex. But insha'Allah maybe she can manage to sort out something in the near future!

Also looking forward to meeting Chari! She will also be coming to Cairo soon insha'Allah.

Wonderer, I want to thank you for trusting Doshar and I and coming over to my home for our first gathering, I know not many people would do that, and I do not advise many people to do it.

But all I can say is Sub7ana - glory be to Allah for gathering us all like this and for letting the trust and love to grow between us the way it has.

I do pray and wish some day all of us bloggers get to meet and get more acquainted…

To be able to make a friend is not easy and is a blessing. I pray we all be sincere, loving, and caring friends now and always, and I do sincerely pray that we all meet some day and to be able to maintain our friendship as long as we all live!
I am really grateful to have u all in my life!

Sunday, December 18, 2005

I miss Bloggers and blogging!

Dear friends,

I have been so occupied lately. Too much to do and so little time to do it. I have been suffereing a terrible neck, shoulder and back pain lately due to both physical and emotional stress!

I have no time to rest at all!

I miss all of u out there. I swear I have no time at all! Not to even jump in and out to read other blogs. I really miss all of u out there, but u are all in my heart and prayers.

I just wanted to tell all of you how much I miss u and that I love you all. I hope all is well with every one. Happy new year to every one, and Merry X-mas to my non Moslem friends.

My warm wishes for every one for a beautiful new year filled with love, success, unity, and loads of happiness.

My prayers go out to Pakistan, Palestine, Iraq, Soumalia, Bosnia, New Orleans and any other state that has gone through any crises in America and any where else where other people may be experiencing any sort of hardships of any sort. I wish everyone well from the deepest of my little heart!

I do pray the world sees some peace. I really do... Amen amen amen.

May GOD fill your days with comforted hearts and clear consciences... Amen Amen Amen.

Dalulla (Dahlia)

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Do not underestimate the power of a word!

Ba3do al kalimato nour wa ba3douha koubour…

The above saying means that some words may shed light and some may be as bad as death..

Prophet Muhammed offered much advice regarding the utterances of words and what they may lead to. I find it so strange how some people fail to realize that.

Some people underestimate what words may do to people. I find that some people's realization depends and shows how deep the person is.

I know some people whose entire lives have changed drastically because of words. Mine has in so many ways throughout different stages of my life.

Some words made my life easier and some more difficult and brought sadness and pain to my heart, soul and even body! I get affected physically from stress or sadness! And I know many people do as well. The psychological aspect of the human mind is very much connected to the physiological, well at least where I'm concerned it is!

Now, I am receiving so many words from all sorts of people. Many of which are very saddening and harsh. But thank God, many others so full of love, care and tenderness. Here on the blogo-sphere, so far all the words I have been receiving lately have been blissful.

I can easily say, very supportive in the midst of lots of pain I am going through. I like to rise above difficulties, I really do not like giving in easily, but I sometimes fall for a while, which is alright. But I like to pick up where I fell and continue. Life must go on. I solace myself by remembering those who have no one to talk to, and especially those who are unable to communicate with God.

Best talking I honestly do is that with God. I do love Him dearly, and I wish I meet His expectations. I am weak as any other human, but I am really struggling and trying to maintain my connection and keep my faith intact.

People, I have grown to love each one of you so much. You have all made a great difference in my life. I feel God joined me with you as a sign of solace from Him in the midst of what I have gone through and still going through just to tell me that there are many good and lovely hearts out there and that they are not so far away!

Please, never under estimate what kind words can offer a person in despair, not just to me, but to anyone in need. A kind word may do wonders in people's lives. Words can help one to really get through so much.

All due thanks to Allah, and to your lovely words!

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Little and Big plans have failed, but . . .

My days are now somewhat bizarre and obscure for some reason. I do not feel much stability but trying to really cope and regain a sense of the lost again.

It is true I really feel something is lost or not within my grasp. I've always managed to cope with very difficult and awkward situations that have escalated after the age of 20, especially after a car accident I had (on my 20th birthday 1994). It was a serious one, but Allah is merciful. I will not get into these details, even though I wish I can take them all out, but cannot. I hate feeling restrained, but sometimes when your life is directly connected with others and harm that befell you was directly connected to "dear and close" people, and yes I do call them dear because no matter what happened from them, they were always dear to me and still are. I was angry and sad at the suffering I went through both to their wrong doings and mine too. I must admit, we do mistakes knowing they are wrong, at least I admit that regardless of any wrong doings they were mistakes, but I really feel very strong they were a negative and unwanted reaction to what I was receiving from others, besides I was young, vulnerable, and literally and practically ALL ALONE in terms of human support. God was and is always around, but it all depends on what level of faith we are in and at that time I strongly believe that His mercy and love of mankind was what got me through and nothing else!

I do say it quite confidently though, that my share of mistakes was directly a result of the wrong doings towards me from close kin. What makes me quite confident is many older people told me so, and once my uncle (mom's brother) told me the same, so I am not just making my own judgments here. I was young and did not have anyone by my side much. At least for some years I didn't, many of the some I mentioned are not few in the thirty one God granted me and still counting insha'Allah. I always felt I was alone and sometimes still do. I never had any gentle touch except from my father where kin is concerned, but many from outsiders, is that not strange? But it was a blessing. Dad has always been so kind and tender, but sad to say passive in a sense, and that caused many problems to arise as I grew. I love him immensely despite his passiveness. Maybe because he is so kind hearted.

Believe me I have no clue why I am writing this down. Maybe it is because I am going through too many events. Everyone's capabilities of coping with tasks are different. I am not too great of a multi tasked person. I like perfecting things. I am capable of doing "a few" things all at the same time, but I do not usually like to do so. What can I say; the conditions we all live in now force us to do handle many things all at the same time. Oh God, please do give me the strength to perfect things as best as I can in terms of human capabilities, especially the bringing up of my son and many other things, most important of which is worship, berr el waledein (the ties with parents in all aspects), selat al ra7em (ties with family), creating and maintaining good relationship with people and being productive in this world (i.e. investing well for my after life).

I do not recall that any of my life stages were exactly smooth, even child hood. My entire life was strange. (Sigh) … Al Hamd Lillah. (thank God for everything) of course, I am much better off than other people. But my standards of judgment concerning this matter rely on certain provided conditions, which accordingly should have lead to a more stable life. But it was not.

I do thank God that I am somewhat psychologically stable, although I know not completely, but considering what I went through, Yes I may say I am psychologically alright (I think, am I even allowed to say that? Hehe, whatever!).

I do however have the best Psychologist and problem shooter (I keep reminding myself of that every now and then, well in my daily five prayers)…. I have ALLAH, we all do. I just need to keep on asking for more patience, to keep my connection strong and that is what I am striving to do. I know for fact God has been generous with me despite my moments of weakness and sins (old, new and hopefully not anymore terrible stuff to come).

I sometimes really wonder how ungrateful and disobedient we creatures can be, yet He still keeps us alive. That alone proves one of His great mercies upon us; many of us (including myself of course) do forget during the heat of some moments and sometimes for a very long time and sometimes forever (I do pray that never happens to any of you nor me!).

Does He not own our souls? Why do many of us forget that, why do I personally fall into weakness or despair at heats of moments despite my unshakable faith in His Power and will? It is no doubt that evil Satan and the weak self within lead to that. I pray God helps us all overcome those moments. We are a blow of His soul, it is His, and to it, its return!

Allahomma Ighfirly ma la ya3lamoun waj3alni khayran mima yathounoun!
Oh Allah forgive me what people do not know about me, and help me be better than what they think of me.

Allah sataar… God protects us by not exposing us to others. Sub7an Allah, people cannot know exactly anything that we don't want them to know, but HE does! It is His merciful way of protection, to give us chances to repent and better ourselves. By the way, as I write this I am getting goose bumps all over!

I just felt I wanted to take these feelings out. I know they may be vague to all of you, but I just wanted to take them out here.

By the way, dad is progressing slowly. But thank God he is. Maybe one of the reasons I am down is I haven't been able to go to him for the past four days, but I finally managed to go today. Maybe that was one of the reasons making me feel so down. It was a teaser, hearing him over the phone struggling to tell me something, or trying hard to say something. I swear I am feeling so much gratitude to God for his mercy on dad, but I cannot help but feel so sad for him.

I do love you Oh Allah
But I sometimes get so weak and fragile
Help me help myself,
Help me stay on the right track,
Forgive my weaknesses and please do not send the angel of death while I am in such a miserable state.
Amen Amen Amen

Please pray for me and all people to die while doing any act of satisfaction to please God, not to die in disbelief, or while in the midst of a shameful act.

Please pray for me to die while praying, or giving charity or doing anything that will meet God's satisfaction and mercy. Pray with me for my sins to be forgiven, for my weak self to strengthen, for me to see my son a good raw model of a Moslem man. Pray for Omar to be amongst those who may help the non Moslems to understand the beauty of Islam. Pray that I live to deliver what I can to Omar, which will help him lead a faithful, respectable and successful life.

I am feeling better at this very moment, but I still do need your prayers.

Astaghfiru Allah men shari da3f al nafs. I seek forgiveness from the evil of the weak self and from Satan.
The text on the photo
reads as follows (just in case not readable enough):
The little plans I tried to carry out have failed O' Dear God.
But I will not sorrow I will pause a little while and try again!
(in Dalulla's case also big ones, hmmm but never the less, thank God- this part is not in the text though hehe)
Wa 3asa an takraho shay2oun wa howa khayroun lakom,
Wa 3asa an tou7ebo sha2an wahowa sharon lakom!
(we sometimes may hate or dislike things whilst there is good in them,
and we may also desire things that are no good for us! a close explaination but not exact)